Like so many others, Marie Claire's blogger Maura Kelly's recent slam on obese people has my dander up! I realize that's an old fashioned expression but if I said what it really makes me feel, well it would be far to obscene to print! Unlike Claire, I don't feel it is my right to bombard people with obscene statements!
For the record; Yes, I'm a "big" girl. My size has readily increased since being stricken with fibro. Is that something I can help? NO! However, does anyone truly, truly believe that obesity is a life choice????
Come on lady! Think about it - would we, as a society, willing go out on a binge just so we could feel the wrath of idiots such as yourself?? Oh yes, that's just what I want for my life - I want to be sneered at, made fun of, left out of life's beautiful places.....God, get a friggin' clue!
I spent over 40 yrs. of my life as a slender if not too thin woman. Even when I was gigantic pregnant with a 9 lb. baby, my weight was only 175 lbs. I have to look in the mirror every single day and see someone I don't recognize. It isn't bad enough that my physical abilities have dwindle to nothing or that my mind is slowly slipping away but then to not even be able to look at my own reflection....well, let's just say this, "Thanks for adding to my self loathing and depression you wretched woman!"
I truly wish I could get a grasp on things and just "love" who I am and who I've "become." I once watched an interview with the comedian/actress Mo'nique and she said something about how she was totally comfortable with herself and her size and thought of herself as sexy. I thought, "Why can't I feel that way about myself?" it never, ever crossed my mind to condemn her for it.
There's more of a lesson here than just weight issues. This can easily be incorporated into the recent headlines of bullying. This type of attitude is EXACTLY the same thing. Feeling entitled to criticize or punish or torture, either with words or actions, is a serious, serious offense against fellow human beings!
As a nation, it is our responsibility to stand up against wrongs! We are plagued with offenses against our fellow man and it's high time we stand up and speak out about it. You DO NOT have to be gay, obese, illiterate, poor, ethnic, Muslim or any other "chastised" faction to know that EVERYONE deserves to be treated with dignity and respect!
This rant did not make me feel better about myself per se, but it does make me feel better knowing that I am making a positive stand toward my fellow man. Instead of sitting around thinking how the world is falling apart, we should all take a bit of kindness and turn it into glue to repair the brokenness.
Until next time!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Hand in Hand
I've said it so many times but my mood affects my fibro and my fibro affects my mood! I have been mid-flair for a couple of days now and along with fatigue, I am now experiencing a horrible case of melancholy! Apparently, all this stuff goes hand in hand - for me at least.
On a "good" note; I have been taking vitamin D supplements and I believe I can actually feel the difference in me. That may sound stupid, hopeful or even delusional but my overall energy level seems to really be up since I started it.
I don't recommend running out and getting it based on me or my experience - I was "D" deficient or I would have never considered taking it. It's really funny but I did noticed the improvements almost right away but until a friend had a similar result, I had ignored it. lol!
I never look a gift horse in the mouth...since having been diagnosed with the "fibro curse", I never take for granted anything that works and I never get dependent on it because for me, the good results are usually temporary.
However, today I can honestly say that my energy is being zapped by my sadness...life is changing and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it. I'm watching my children grow up and become independent, watching the dynamics of our family change and overall feeling very, very old.
I know this is not a good way to muddle through a flair up and I have tried very hard to head it off but it just keeps popping its ugly head right up in my face!!! You can't fight certain changes but I cannot convince myself of that on days like today.
It's days like today when I realize that I'm virtually alone. Now, that's not to say that I don't have friends because I do, really great ones. However, I'm not a team player, a joiner a fun loving kinda person so I don't socialize lots. I did give it a real "Hooray" for a time and tried to change but like the leopard, alas, I could not change my spots.
I would dearly love to be able to blame all of my woes on something or even someone else but in the end it still comes down to just me! I am who I am, be it saint or sinner and changing my inner workings is not possible. Now, add "physically broken" to that and you have....ME!
Yup, that just about sums it up - I am a broken, emotionally stunted individual! At least that's how I feel today. Tomorrow, heck - I could be flying on cloud 9 without a care in the world and giving flowers to everyone I meet ....nah, that's not me either but I could be really, really "not unhappy!" lol!
Point is this - fibro sucks and all of the other stuff that goes with it sucks even more! It's similar to the age old question about the chicken, "Which came first...?" only I say, "The depression or the fibro?" Oh sweet irony, you've taken over my life! lol!
I will push through this because I have to, my children, my family (God knows why), depend on me. You'd think they'd be leery of someone who can't remember their names half the time but nope, they still look to me for answers! Weird huh??? I will persevere and when I emerge on the other side, I'll let you know :)
Until next time!
On a "good" note; I have been taking vitamin D supplements and I believe I can actually feel the difference in me. That may sound stupid, hopeful or even delusional but my overall energy level seems to really be up since I started it.
I don't recommend running out and getting it based on me or my experience - I was "D" deficient or I would have never considered taking it. It's really funny but I did noticed the improvements almost right away but until a friend had a similar result, I had ignored it. lol!
I never look a gift horse in the mouth...since having been diagnosed with the "fibro curse", I never take for granted anything that works and I never get dependent on it because for me, the good results are usually temporary.
However, today I can honestly say that my energy is being zapped by my sadness...life is changing and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it. I'm watching my children grow up and become independent, watching the dynamics of our family change and overall feeling very, very old.
I know this is not a good way to muddle through a flair up and I have tried very hard to head it off but it just keeps popping its ugly head right up in my face!!! You can't fight certain changes but I cannot convince myself of that on days like today.
It's days like today when I realize that I'm virtually alone. Now, that's not to say that I don't have friends because I do, really great ones. However, I'm not a team player, a joiner a fun loving kinda person so I don't socialize lots. I did give it a real "Hooray" for a time and tried to change but like the leopard, alas, I could not change my spots.
I would dearly love to be able to blame all of my woes on something or even someone else but in the end it still comes down to just me! I am who I am, be it saint or sinner and changing my inner workings is not possible. Now, add "physically broken" to that and you have....ME!
Yup, that just about sums it up - I am a broken, emotionally stunted individual! At least that's how I feel today. Tomorrow, heck - I could be flying on cloud 9 without a care in the world and giving flowers to everyone I meet ....nah, that's not me either but I could be really, really "not unhappy!" lol!
Point is this - fibro sucks and all of the other stuff that goes with it sucks even more! It's similar to the age old question about the chicken, "Which came first...?" only I say, "The depression or the fibro?" Oh sweet irony, you've taken over my life! lol!
I will push through this because I have to, my children, my family (God knows why), depend on me. You'd think they'd be leery of someone who can't remember their names half the time but nope, they still look to me for answers! Weird huh??? I will persevere and when I emerge on the other side, I'll let you know :)
Until next time!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Where did that come from?
I love Sundays! I say that for multiple reasons; church, family & relaxation - those are the high points. Everything is just so relaxed for us on Sundays and it's nice. We veg on shows we've DVR'd during the week, we munch and we just all around relax.
It came in handy for me today. I have stated it many, many times but I do believe the weather is about to "get" me. Sitting in church today, minding my own business and my lower back/tail bone got that old, familiar ache....."Oh no" was my first thought and sure enough, "oh no" it was!
My question is this, "Where did that come from?" I mean, I'm sitting in a comfortable pew and no, we don't do a lot of standing, sitting, kneeling. We stand for the Doxology and then for closing hymn, the rest of the time I'm sitting.
So now I think I have two culprits to look at; 1. The weather, front was pushing around - no rain like promised, but none the less. 2. Footwear, yep, I wore heels to church today....dummy me, dummy me!
Still, sitting you wouldn't think your shoes could affect your back but I think that's exactly what it was. I ended up kicking them off while I was sitting but I believe that decision was too late.
I haven't done much since coming home today. The pain is a continuous ache in the lumbar area and now the twinges between the shoulders have begun. I think that comes because of the over compensations I make in my posture to accommodate the lower back pain - vicious circle!
To recap - avoid heels or avoid heels during changing weather??? Hmmm....being that I can't avoid changing weather and I can avoid heels, guess that one's a no brainer lol! I hate, hate, hate having to alter my choices because of my "brokenness!" It just adds to the multiple feelings of inadequacies that fill my daily life. Oh well, muscle relaxers - here I come!
Until next time!
It came in handy for me today. I have stated it many, many times but I do believe the weather is about to "get" me. Sitting in church today, minding my own business and my lower back/tail bone got that old, familiar ache....."Oh no" was my first thought and sure enough, "oh no" it was!
My question is this, "Where did that come from?" I mean, I'm sitting in a comfortable pew and no, we don't do a lot of standing, sitting, kneeling. We stand for the Doxology and then for closing hymn, the rest of the time I'm sitting.
So now I think I have two culprits to look at; 1. The weather, front was pushing around - no rain like promised, but none the less. 2. Footwear, yep, I wore heels to church today....dummy me, dummy me!
Still, sitting you wouldn't think your shoes could affect your back but I think that's exactly what it was. I ended up kicking them off while I was sitting but I believe that decision was too late.
I haven't done much since coming home today. The pain is a continuous ache in the lumbar area and now the twinges between the shoulders have begun. I think that comes because of the over compensations I make in my posture to accommodate the lower back pain - vicious circle!
To recap - avoid heels or avoid heels during changing weather??? Hmmm....being that I can't avoid changing weather and I can avoid heels, guess that one's a no brainer lol! I hate, hate, hate having to alter my choices because of my "brokenness!" It just adds to the multiple feelings of inadequacies that fill my daily life. Oh well, muscle relaxers - here I come!
Until next time!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Like any other day
Today has been typical....clean house, take a break; do more work, take a break; exercise, take a break - I think I'm "breaking" up with myself lol! That's the only way I can accomplish anything, taking the breaks keeps me from shutting down before I finish whatever task I'm working on.
I'm now fighting a head/chest cold so I'm a little more "off" than normal and I'm feeling every bit of it. There is something completely unsettling about a cold anyway. I hate that "plugged" feeling and the muffled sound quality - it all makes me so off kilter. That's just what a fibro sufferer needs, more stuff to make you feel unbalanced, indecisive and hard of hearing!
Tonight, heavy duty cold medicine is in order and I'm not afraid to use it, lol! It will allow me to sleep at least. The last couple of nights have been fitful at best and I found myself sitting up or roaming about the house trying to breath.
The weather here is playing havoc with my fibro too. Unseasonably warm weather, which is nice, but dry, dry, dry. Moisture is moving in and I can feel it coming. I swear, we fibro people should hire ourselves out as weather predictors!
Tomorrow, the rain is supposed to be here and I'm willing to wager the arthritis like symptoms are not far behind. It is an unfortunate but they do seem to go hand in hand...just part of the lovely fibro "glitches."
So, we'll see what tomorrow brings and in the mean time, I'll keep forging ahead and taking breaks to make it through, throwing in a sneeze, a wheeze and a nose blow here and there.
Until next time!
I'm now fighting a head/chest cold so I'm a little more "off" than normal and I'm feeling every bit of it. There is something completely unsettling about a cold anyway. I hate that "plugged" feeling and the muffled sound quality - it all makes me so off kilter. That's just what a fibro sufferer needs, more stuff to make you feel unbalanced, indecisive and hard of hearing!
Tonight, heavy duty cold medicine is in order and I'm not afraid to use it, lol! It will allow me to sleep at least. The last couple of nights have been fitful at best and I found myself sitting up or roaming about the house trying to breath.
The weather here is playing havoc with my fibro too. Unseasonably warm weather, which is nice, but dry, dry, dry. Moisture is moving in and I can feel it coming. I swear, we fibro people should hire ourselves out as weather predictors!
Tomorrow, the rain is supposed to be here and I'm willing to wager the arthritis like symptoms are not far behind. It is an unfortunate but they do seem to go hand in hand...just part of the lovely fibro "glitches."
So, we'll see what tomorrow brings and in the mean time, I'll keep forging ahead and taking breaks to make it through, throwing in a sneeze, a wheeze and a nose blow here and there.
Until next time!
Friday, October 22, 2010
How does that expression apply??
Okay, so..."If no pain, no gain" is an actual, honest to goodness, way to measure if your exercising activities are working....well then, I should be buff in about 2 more sessions!!!
Seriously, the only part of my torso that isn't hurting is the tipity-top of my head. So, were I to take the adage to heart - it's working!! Yay??? I'm just not convinced that putting myself through all of these aches are worth the end result but I'm going to keep going.
I'm figuring that "IF" I can get my body into some other shape than ROUND, then I will see the full benefits of all the pain. As I stated before, I may be in a wheelchair with a morphine drip but, "I'll look good!" The way I'm feeling right now, that could have been way understated - but seeing how I have no plans of being buried; to say I'd look good in my casket would be a falsehood! lol!
Although the previous paragraph was said in jest, I truly am hurting from all of the stuff I've been putting my body through - in the name of exercise and physical fitness. It is a side affect I feel from any exertion though so why not try to have some benefit from it.
Truthfully, I do believe I have added strength to my legs. That is a great plus because one of my worst symptoms is the weakness in my lower body. There are times when I think I'm just going to drop to the ground because my legs turn to noodles.
So, for now, I am going to look ahead to peek at the new and improved me, even while the current "old and broken" me is screeching out in pain.
Until next time!
Seriously, the only part of my torso that isn't hurting is the tipity-top of my head. So, were I to take the adage to heart - it's working!! Yay??? I'm just not convinced that putting myself through all of these aches are worth the end result but I'm going to keep going.
I'm figuring that "IF" I can get my body into some other shape than ROUND, then I will see the full benefits of all the pain. As I stated before, I may be in a wheelchair with a morphine drip but, "I'll look good!" The way I'm feeling right now, that could have been way understated - but seeing how I have no plans of being buried; to say I'd look good in my casket would be a falsehood! lol!
Although the previous paragraph was said in jest, I truly am hurting from all of the stuff I've been putting my body through - in the name of exercise and physical fitness. It is a side affect I feel from any exertion though so why not try to have some benefit from it.
Truthfully, I do believe I have added strength to my legs. That is a great plus because one of my worst symptoms is the weakness in my lower body. There are times when I think I'm just going to drop to the ground because my legs turn to noodles.
So, for now, I am going to look ahead to peek at the new and improved me, even while the current "old and broken" me is screeching out in pain.
Until next time!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Exercise & Pain
I've decided that I absolutely have to exercise regardless of the pain that inevitably follows. So, I dug the Ab Lounger out and placed it next to my hydraulic stepper along with my hand weights (2 lbs. - I'm a wimp!)
I have made great strides in usage but as expected, I'm in horrible pain. I cannot believe that my life has come to this. Don't get me wrong, I was never "Miss All American" by far - I hated participating in sports but I was active. Now, this simple type of activity puts me down and hard!
I'm going to persevere though, I am walking every day, taking my meds and now adding the sit-ups and hand weights, something should give - soon! I have two things that could derail me here; 1. I'm impatient and weight loss takes FOREVER! 2. The pain.
I miss the metabolism I enjoyed for so many years :( I swear, I could eat anything and never gain an ounce. I wasn't a parent then so I indulged in all the things that are bad for you and I never felt a negative from any of it. Now however, if I so much as think about and God forbid, look at, anything scrumptious. . . . well, it goes straight to my - let's just say; anywhere from my chin to my knees!!
There has to be more to life than this! I do not want to spend what ever time I have left on this Earth, worrying about what I should or shouldn't eat, drink, smell, touch, etc.....ugh!
For now though, I'm committed to pushing through this and coming out on the other side a lot thinner and more self confident. I may be in a wheel chair and have a morphine drip but I'll look good!!! lol!
Until next time!
I have made great strides in usage but as expected, I'm in horrible pain. I cannot believe that my life has come to this. Don't get me wrong, I was never "Miss All American" by far - I hated participating in sports but I was active. Now, this simple type of activity puts me down and hard!
I'm going to persevere though, I am walking every day, taking my meds and now adding the sit-ups and hand weights, something should give - soon! I have two things that could derail me here; 1. I'm impatient and weight loss takes FOREVER! 2. The pain.
I miss the metabolism I enjoyed for so many years :( I swear, I could eat anything and never gain an ounce. I wasn't a parent then so I indulged in all the things that are bad for you and I never felt a negative from any of it. Now however, if I so much as think about and God forbid, look at, anything scrumptious. . . . well, it goes straight to my - let's just say; anywhere from my chin to my knees!!
There has to be more to life than this! I do not want to spend what ever time I have left on this Earth, worrying about what I should or shouldn't eat, drink, smell, touch, etc.....ugh!
For now though, I'm committed to pushing through this and coming out on the other side a lot thinner and more self confident. I may be in a wheel chair and have a morphine drip but I'll look good!!! lol!
Until next time!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sleep???
Because I am now going on a mere 4 hours of sleep, I thought it a fair subject for today's entry. Many people suffer from sleep disturbances but with fibro there is this "quirk" that makes it all the more ironic.
Two of the main symptoms of fibro are; extreme exhaustion and inability to sleep. How's that for mixing it up??? I mean, on one hand you are so tired you cannot function and on the other, you cannot sleep worth a hoot!
The human body is an amazing vessel but one so sensitive that if you mess up one function the entire thing is liable to follow. As is the case with fibro; each system within the body has some sort of ill affect from it, at one point or the other.
Sleep deprivation can take its toll in many, many forms. Did you know that if you don't sleep well, you can actually gain weight?? Ugh! Just another way to add to the stress and depression huh? To feel tired is bad enough but to feel tired and fat - well hand me some anti-depressants and stay out of my way!
All joking aside, I sincerely feel that if the researches found the proper "starting point", they could solve the puzzle that is fibro. However, considering all of the symptoms that occur with it, around it, before it - well, pin pointing that can be an elusive task.
I suspect that I have always had "symptoms" throughout my young adult life but I believe the extreme onset began when I suffered a neck/back injury. From the moment it happened my life went into a spiral and hasn't stopped yet.
So, did the neck injury acerbate the already existing depression thus causing the trauma to my nervous system or could it have been there, lying dormant, waiting for my system to be compromised??? All fair questions - really, really wish I had gone to medical school so I could research it myself (with true confidence and knowledge.)
Well, that last statement was just enough to put me in a "what if" kinda mood - I should pat myself on the back....I managed to depress myself lol! Who needs critical parents, spouses, friends or relatives when you can take yourself to task??
Well, the day is holding some promise as my AC/Heat people have returned and are working diligently to get the unit fixed and although my eyes are full of sand and I ache from head to toe, I have every intention of making the most of this day that God saw fit for me to partake in.
Until next time!
Two of the main symptoms of fibro are; extreme exhaustion and inability to sleep. How's that for mixing it up??? I mean, on one hand you are so tired you cannot function and on the other, you cannot sleep worth a hoot!
The human body is an amazing vessel but one so sensitive that if you mess up one function the entire thing is liable to follow. As is the case with fibro; each system within the body has some sort of ill affect from it, at one point or the other.
Sleep deprivation can take its toll in many, many forms. Did you know that if you don't sleep well, you can actually gain weight?? Ugh! Just another way to add to the stress and depression huh? To feel tired is bad enough but to feel tired and fat - well hand me some anti-depressants and stay out of my way!
All joking aside, I sincerely feel that if the researches found the proper "starting point", they could solve the puzzle that is fibro. However, considering all of the symptoms that occur with it, around it, before it - well, pin pointing that can be an elusive task.
I suspect that I have always had "symptoms" throughout my young adult life but I believe the extreme onset began when I suffered a neck/back injury. From the moment it happened my life went into a spiral and hasn't stopped yet.
So, did the neck injury acerbate the already existing depression thus causing the trauma to my nervous system or could it have been there, lying dormant, waiting for my system to be compromised??? All fair questions - really, really wish I had gone to medical school so I could research it myself (with true confidence and knowledge.)
Well, that last statement was just enough to put me in a "what if" kinda mood - I should pat myself on the back....I managed to depress myself lol! Who needs critical parents, spouses, friends or relatives when you can take yourself to task??
Well, the day is holding some promise as my AC/Heat people have returned and are working diligently to get the unit fixed and although my eyes are full of sand and I ache from head to toe, I have every intention of making the most of this day that God saw fit for me to partake in.
Until next time!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Hmmmm....
Today's one of my "I wonder..." days. I wonder about everything which translates to worry which then slides into tension which then screams into panic! Yup, my thought processes are mind blowing :)
Like most people, women, wives, moms; I have lots on my plate at various times and then others - nothing. When I'm lucky enough to have "nothing" going, that's usually when my mind steps up and says, "Well, we can't have this...an idle mind, blah, blah, blah" but then it decides that wonder is the best path - stupid brain!!
So, here I sit; still with no heat/ac and unable to fix the situation and wondering just how ugly it's gonna get before the solution is found. I have a long history of letting my mouth overload my common sense and then it's down hill from there. I am TRYING, very HARD, to be patient and amiable to all parties involved.
Then yesterday, I got my phone bill. Which I just reworked into a "bundle" of my internet, phone and satellite service. The promise of so much for so little should have been a red flag but I figured saving anything would be a plus at this rate....so, last month's bill was fabulous! I was on cloud 9 thinking, "Yay, I finally made a sound decision!" Ha! This months bill arrives and wow!, did they ever screw me!
My bundle price was just as it should have been but somehow they managed to find another $55.00 in additional fees???? WTF???? Okay, okay, sorry - slid into panic just typing about it - moment over, deep breathing occurring here.....so, I sent them an email because seriously, if I type and panic, can you imagine a phone conversation with me??? ugh!
Normally, I would turn to my hubby in times like these and let him deal with it but seriously, he has a "new" job and is working crazy hours just to help us limp along - I should be able to take care of stuff - why can't I then???? As I've said many, many times....I blame it on the fibro!
My inability to cope with relatively easy tasks has gone bye-bye, my ability to remain calm; also gone. I'm left with this emotional wreck of a human being who cannot put two words together without sounding like an idiot. To make matters far worse, I'm really not an overly pleasant person to begin with so fluster me, anger me or confuse me and OMG!
So, there you have it - my Sunday is chocked full of wonder and it's getting worse by the moment. I have no recourse but to let it take its natural path of progression and hope and pray that I come out on the other end with some sense of dignity left.....yeah, that's a stretch but one can hope.
Until next time!
Like most people, women, wives, moms; I have lots on my plate at various times and then others - nothing. When I'm lucky enough to have "nothing" going, that's usually when my mind steps up and says, "Well, we can't have this...an idle mind, blah, blah, blah" but then it decides that wonder is the best path - stupid brain!!
So, here I sit; still with no heat/ac and unable to fix the situation and wondering just how ugly it's gonna get before the solution is found. I have a long history of letting my mouth overload my common sense and then it's down hill from there. I am TRYING, very HARD, to be patient and amiable to all parties involved.
Then yesterday, I got my phone bill. Which I just reworked into a "bundle" of my internet, phone and satellite service. The promise of so much for so little should have been a red flag but I figured saving anything would be a plus at this rate....so, last month's bill was fabulous! I was on cloud 9 thinking, "Yay, I finally made a sound decision!" Ha! This months bill arrives and wow!, did they ever screw me!
My bundle price was just as it should have been but somehow they managed to find another $55.00 in additional fees???? WTF???? Okay, okay, sorry - slid into panic just typing about it - moment over, deep breathing occurring here.....so, I sent them an email because seriously, if I type and panic, can you imagine a phone conversation with me??? ugh!
Normally, I would turn to my hubby in times like these and let him deal with it but seriously, he has a "new" job and is working crazy hours just to help us limp along - I should be able to take care of stuff - why can't I then???? As I've said many, many times....I blame it on the fibro!
My inability to cope with relatively easy tasks has gone bye-bye, my ability to remain calm; also gone. I'm left with this emotional wreck of a human being who cannot put two words together without sounding like an idiot. To make matters far worse, I'm really not an overly pleasant person to begin with so fluster me, anger me or confuse me and OMG!
So, there you have it - my Sunday is chocked full of wonder and it's getting worse by the moment. I have no recourse but to let it take its natural path of progression and hope and pray that I come out on the other end with some sense of dignity left.....yeah, that's a stretch but one can hope.
Until next time!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Relaxed & Rested
You know, it's a shame that a day of doing absolutely nothing can make a person feel so good, even if there is guilt associated with it. This weekend has been a do nothing one for me. My hubby and son are on a camping trip and my daughter and I have just hung out, watching movies, etc....it's been so nice.
Tomorrow of course will be another subject; they return and life resumes but until then, I'm reading by the fireplace with the cat on my lap and enjoying the "nothingness" of it all. However, I must admit that I find it sad that in order to feel good or "normal" I have to remain completely sedentary. No movement, no pain but tons and tons of weight gain - yep, that's what doing nothing gets ya!
We have managed to take daily walks since the weather has cooled off. I'm probably pushing that a bit too much but I have to do something, right? My son had his 14th Birthday yesterday and I even conned him into walking with us. Of course, he promptly tuned us out with his new iPod but at least he was with us :)
Even as relaxed as I've been today, speech has been rather troublesome. It made me all the more glad that I had very little interaction with outsiders today :) Another, sad but true, daily existence of a fibro sufferer. Sometimes, it is just better to not mingle with non-family members lol!
For now though, all is well, quiet and nice and I hope and pray that it remains that way up to the moment my family is all together again - then I fully expect the chaos that goes along with it and I will be loving every minute of that too.
Until next time!
Tomorrow of course will be another subject; they return and life resumes but until then, I'm reading by the fireplace with the cat on my lap and enjoying the "nothingness" of it all. However, I must admit that I find it sad that in order to feel good or "normal" I have to remain completely sedentary. No movement, no pain but tons and tons of weight gain - yep, that's what doing nothing gets ya!
We have managed to take daily walks since the weather has cooled off. I'm probably pushing that a bit too much but I have to do something, right? My son had his 14th Birthday yesterday and I even conned him into walking with us. Of course, he promptly tuned us out with his new iPod but at least he was with us :)
Even as relaxed as I've been today, speech has been rather troublesome. It made me all the more glad that I had very little interaction with outsiders today :) Another, sad but true, daily existence of a fibro sufferer. Sometimes, it is just better to not mingle with non-family members lol!
For now though, all is well, quiet and nice and I hope and pray that it remains that way up to the moment my family is all together again - then I fully expect the chaos that goes along with it and I will be loving every minute of that too.
Until next time!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
What is normal anyway?
It has been a very, very long week here. School hasn't been as rigid as usual because of the circumstances but we have managed to have it so I'm thinking of that as a huge plus :) The fibro aches have decided that this week, the knees, ankles and toes should hurt and thus goes my hobbling gait around the house. I can't remember the last time I was "normal" but then again, what is normal?
My definition of normal has changed so many times you get dizzy trying to follow it. Before I got sick, normal was a daily routine involving work, housework, parenting and being a wife. I had a certain day of the week for every chore around the house. For example; Mondays were sweep, mop, vacuum and shampoo carpets, Tuesday was dusting and dust bunnies around the ceilings and cleaning out the fridge, Wednesday was strip all the beds and do laundry, etc...yup, I was that anal about all of it. My niece used to tease me about, "Oh no, you can only do that at her house if it's Tuesday and there is a full moon!" lol! Like I said, I had a normal (for me) routine and I loved it.
Then I got sick, no more normal anything! I had to quit my job, which completely sucked! Yes, both the job and quitting :) but I loved being out and earning money. It was the first job I'd had in 7 yrs. When I was two weeks out from having my son, I went on maternity leave and didn't go back to work until my daughter (they are 13 mos. apart) went into 1st grade.
Anyway, I quit work and I dropped out of life - seriously, it took me down so hard that I was OUT! I couldn't move, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't function! I saw doctor after doctor and nobody seemed to even want to help me! "It's all in your mind," "you sufferer from depression," blah, blah, blah!
After what seemed like an eternity of that stuff I went to a doctor in Chicagoland and within the first 10 mins. of our visit, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are NOT crazy, this is real and it's called Fibromyalgia!" I published an article about that time in my life, give it a read if you get bored - heck, give all of my stuff a read, page views are good :) My "personal" writing stuff is @ http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/175705/haley_koehling.html
Today, normal consists of "maybe" I'll do this or that and "maybe" I'll feel like driving or socializing. The only definite thing I do is get out of bed in the mornings. That's what normal has become for me. After I finish this blog, I have to pursue the laundry I started a few minutes ago and that may be the only accomplishments that I have today....but you know what, that's okay too because this is who I am - today.
Until next time!
My definition of normal has changed so many times you get dizzy trying to follow it. Before I got sick, normal was a daily routine involving work, housework, parenting and being a wife. I had a certain day of the week for every chore around the house. For example; Mondays were sweep, mop, vacuum and shampoo carpets, Tuesday was dusting and dust bunnies around the ceilings and cleaning out the fridge, Wednesday was strip all the beds and do laundry, etc...yup, I was that anal about all of it. My niece used to tease me about, "Oh no, you can only do that at her house if it's Tuesday and there is a full moon!" lol! Like I said, I had a normal (for me) routine and I loved it.
Then I got sick, no more normal anything! I had to quit my job, which completely sucked! Yes, both the job and quitting :) but I loved being out and earning money. It was the first job I'd had in 7 yrs. When I was two weeks out from having my son, I went on maternity leave and didn't go back to work until my daughter (they are 13 mos. apart) went into 1st grade.
Anyway, I quit work and I dropped out of life - seriously, it took me down so hard that I was OUT! I couldn't move, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't function! I saw doctor after doctor and nobody seemed to even want to help me! "It's all in your mind," "you sufferer from depression," blah, blah, blah!
After what seemed like an eternity of that stuff I went to a doctor in Chicagoland and within the first 10 mins. of our visit, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are NOT crazy, this is real and it's called Fibromyalgia!" I published an article about that time in my life, give it a read if you get bored - heck, give all of my stuff a read, page views are good :) My "personal" writing stuff is @ http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/175705/haley_koehling.html
Today, normal consists of "maybe" I'll do this or that and "maybe" I'll feel like driving or socializing. The only definite thing I do is get out of bed in the mornings. That's what normal has become for me. After I finish this blog, I have to pursue the laundry I started a few minutes ago and that may be the only accomplishments that I have today....but you know what, that's okay too because this is who I am - today.
Until next time!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
To want in one hand and.....
Okay, I'm sure you've heard the rest of the expression in the title and you undoubtedly have even experienced a time when it applies, right? Admit it, not everything is rosy all the darn time and it does not always go your way or work out in the end....that's just life!
Well right now, I could easily tell life to,(quoting a friend here) "SUCK IT!" I mean I seriously must have cheesed off the entire universe lately because it sure as heck is giving me a slap on the rear this week!
The slap comes to me in the form of stress, the emotion that nobody needs, but the main one that causes fibro sufferers to go into a full blown, all out flare up - oh yes, just what you need to go with the stress!!!
So, you've heard me whining about the AC/Heat unit crashing and burning (literally) for the 3rd time and now...wait for it...my refrigerator died too!!! Yay for Haley and her appliance challenged life - woot!
Not only did the fridge die but it took with it a boat load of food and condiments. Okay, I'm not gonna say I miss the hubby's pickled herring or jalapenos but my industrial size container of cottage cheese and sour cream - wahhhhh, why, why, why did it have to take my dairy products down with it??? lol!
Thank God for small favors as the freezer had very little in it - ice I can replace :) Luckily a couple of months back we bought a large, upright freezer and it "stands alone" now in my sad and pathetically void kitchen.
I admit, I have wished the fridge dead on many occasions. Every time a door shelf would "give" and spill its contents all over the poor person's foot who opened it, harsh words and thoughts were heaped upon it. However, in my and my families defense, "We didn't mean it literally!"
To look at the old gal you'd never know she was 12 or 13 yrs. old and to be fair, she's had a good run. The ice-maker has been on and off from the beginning but nothing we could coax back into life and as I mentioned, her shelves were going South but so are mine so "eh." All in all, she's been pretty reliable and I should honor her but her death is highly untimely and I'm stressing!!!
So,tomorrow consists of; school, waiting on AC guy, fridge shopping via phone, internet and car, waiting on AC guy, writing, waiting on AC guy and hopefully fridge delivery guy, writing and oh yes, STRESSING! lol!
If anything else bends, breaks or budges, I'll be sure to be posting again. For now, I'm going to take my book and coffee and go outside in the swing and wish and pray for better days.
Until next time!
Well right now, I could easily tell life to,(quoting a friend here) "SUCK IT!" I mean I seriously must have cheesed off the entire universe lately because it sure as heck is giving me a slap on the rear this week!
The slap comes to me in the form of stress, the emotion that nobody needs, but the main one that causes fibro sufferers to go into a full blown, all out flare up - oh yes, just what you need to go with the stress!!!
So, you've heard me whining about the AC/Heat unit crashing and burning (literally) for the 3rd time and now...wait for it...my refrigerator died too!!! Yay for Haley and her appliance challenged life - woot!
Not only did the fridge die but it took with it a boat load of food and condiments. Okay, I'm not gonna say I miss the hubby's pickled herring or jalapenos but my industrial size container of cottage cheese and sour cream - wahhhhh, why, why, why did it have to take my dairy products down with it??? lol!
Thank God for small favors as the freezer had very little in it - ice I can replace :) Luckily a couple of months back we bought a large, upright freezer and it "stands alone" now in my sad and pathetically void kitchen.
I admit, I have wished the fridge dead on many occasions. Every time a door shelf would "give" and spill its contents all over the poor person's foot who opened it, harsh words and thoughts were heaped upon it. However, in my and my families defense, "We didn't mean it literally!"
To look at the old gal you'd never know she was 12 or 13 yrs. old and to be fair, she's had a good run. The ice-maker has been on and off from the beginning but nothing we could coax back into life and as I mentioned, her shelves were going South but so are mine so "eh." All in all, she's been pretty reliable and I should honor her but her death is highly untimely and I'm stressing!!!
So,tomorrow consists of; school, waiting on AC guy, fridge shopping via phone, internet and car, waiting on AC guy, writing, waiting on AC guy and hopefully fridge delivery guy, writing and oh yes, STRESSING! lol!
If anything else bends, breaks or budges, I'll be sure to be posting again. For now, I'm going to take my book and coffee and go outside in the swing and wish and pray for better days.
Until next time!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Ouch
You ever have a day that starts out before you even rise out of bed? That's where I've been today - I woke up with a banging headache and now, @ 5:52 p.m., it is still with me, along with aches in every joint.
I accomplished nothing today around the house. I managed to drag myself in to town to order my son's birthday cake and that depressed me. lol! He is turning 14 on Friday the 15th and all it's managed to do is make me wonder, "Where the heck did the time go?"
Last night we had a family tradition/activity; a weenie & marshmallow roast. This particular one was extra special as we have two tiny new members to the clan tradition - my great nephew Jude and my great niece, his sister; Phoebe. It was wonderful fun to see their eyes as they watched the fire and heard the stories and laughter from all of us "loony" grown-ups.
It was also my first time sharing this event with my nieces step son and daughter, Steven & Amber, as well as their significant others; Candice & Eric. Our family is growing in leaps and bounds yet our gatherings have gotten smaller and smaller over the years. My niece and I seem to be the only ones who are holding true to the "old ways" but that's okay because our kids will be raised with them and have fond memories for their adult lives because of it.
Even as fun and comforting as the family gathering was, the nagging aches never left and the night ended rather early for me. I long for the day when I can be myself again, not this over weight, non-participating blob of a human being....some day maybe.
For now, I have a step machine that I've been forcing myself to use to try to restrengthen my legs and a mountain of pills to stave off all the other "uglies" of the fibro realm. As long as the weather is tolerable, I will force myself to get out and walk, even if it's just in my yard - I have to take back my life and soon before there is nothing left to reclaim.
Tonight however, it's the couch, a compress for my head and my favorite Tony Curtis movie; "The Great Race"...you gotta love TCM! The only thing I can figure is that one of my many former lives must have been spent in the golden age of Hollywood as I am a sucker for an old movie and the classic actor/actresses of the past.
Until next time!
I accomplished nothing today around the house. I managed to drag myself in to town to order my son's birthday cake and that depressed me. lol! He is turning 14 on Friday the 15th and all it's managed to do is make me wonder, "Where the heck did the time go?"
Last night we had a family tradition/activity; a weenie & marshmallow roast. This particular one was extra special as we have two tiny new members to the clan tradition - my great nephew Jude and my great niece, his sister; Phoebe. It was wonderful fun to see their eyes as they watched the fire and heard the stories and laughter from all of us "loony" grown-ups.
It was also my first time sharing this event with my nieces step son and daughter, Steven & Amber, as well as their significant others; Candice & Eric. Our family is growing in leaps and bounds yet our gatherings have gotten smaller and smaller over the years. My niece and I seem to be the only ones who are holding true to the "old ways" but that's okay because our kids will be raised with them and have fond memories for their adult lives because of it.
Even as fun and comforting as the family gathering was, the nagging aches never left and the night ended rather early for me. I long for the day when I can be myself again, not this over weight, non-participating blob of a human being....some day maybe.
For now, I have a step machine that I've been forcing myself to use to try to restrengthen my legs and a mountain of pills to stave off all the other "uglies" of the fibro realm. As long as the weather is tolerable, I will force myself to get out and walk, even if it's just in my yard - I have to take back my life and soon before there is nothing left to reclaim.
Tonight however, it's the couch, a compress for my head and my favorite Tony Curtis movie; "The Great Race"...you gotta love TCM! The only thing I can figure is that one of my many former lives must have been spent in the golden age of Hollywood as I am a sucker for an old movie and the classic actor/actresses of the past.
Until next time!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
To quote the "Monkees"
It's another "Pleasant Valley Sunday" here - the temperature is great, the sun is shining, the birds are singing....well, you get the point :)
However, in the world of fibro, where weather can negatively effect you, all the pleasantness in the world won't help. I know from the way I feel today that I could never live in a desert region. The temperature swings from night today would be impossible - like what it's doing here, now.
Okay, I admit that I've been pushing myself because I did my own "house crash" and I am still trying to complete it but come on! Yesterday, I fixed my washing machine (again) but this time I used man tools - you know, stuff like; plumber strap, screws and a screwdriver :) If that doesn't do it, it can't be fixed!
I also tore into my son's room - ugh! I take advantage of the weekends when he's camping and venture into the vast wasteland that he calls him bedroom. It took the better part of 2 hours but at least now he has the hanging clothes hanging in his closet and his chest of drawers is once again the vessel for his other duds - that's opposed to the closet floor, where they were when I went in!
I vacuumed,did laundry and general straightening, on top of deep cleaning his room and by nightfall, I was in so much pain, it hurt to move/sit! Then, sleep failed me again and @ 2 a.m. I was still watching TV wishing my GERD would go the heck away.
My point of my descriptive day is that; in it's entirety, my day was lame! I mean, there was no "hard labor" there - there wasn't anything even a fraction near the stuff other people do in their everyday lives. It's so frustrating to be wiped out by trivial tasks! I used to be strong, capable and complete!
So, here I sit documenting this journey and feeling more and more frustrated. I had hoped this blog would help me mentally deal with this stuff and it has, kinda....but sometimes, no matter what source you tap for comfort, it just isn't there to be had.
Until next time!
However, in the world of fibro, where weather can negatively effect you, all the pleasantness in the world won't help. I know from the way I feel today that I could never live in a desert region. The temperature swings from night today would be impossible - like what it's doing here, now.
Okay, I admit that I've been pushing myself because I did my own "house crash" and I am still trying to complete it but come on! Yesterday, I fixed my washing machine (again) but this time I used man tools - you know, stuff like; plumber strap, screws and a screwdriver :) If that doesn't do it, it can't be fixed!
I also tore into my son's room - ugh! I take advantage of the weekends when he's camping and venture into the vast wasteland that he calls him bedroom. It took the better part of 2 hours but at least now he has the hanging clothes hanging in his closet and his chest of drawers is once again the vessel for his other duds - that's opposed to the closet floor, where they were when I went in!
I vacuumed,did laundry and general straightening, on top of deep cleaning his room and by nightfall, I was in so much pain, it hurt to move/sit! Then, sleep failed me again and @ 2 a.m. I was still watching TV wishing my GERD would go the heck away.
My point of my descriptive day is that; in it's entirety, my day was lame! I mean, there was no "hard labor" there - there wasn't anything even a fraction near the stuff other people do in their everyday lives. It's so frustrating to be wiped out by trivial tasks! I used to be strong, capable and complete!
So, here I sit documenting this journey and feeling more and more frustrated. I had hoped this blog would help me mentally deal with this stuff and it has, kinda....but sometimes, no matter what source you tap for comfort, it just isn't there to be had.
Until next time!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
In my own defense
Just so everyone knows; I have not had a ticket in over 15 yrs. and have never been in or the cause of an accident. This driving fog has just been coming on within the last year or so and usually, when I feel it, I do not drive at all.
I have been known to let things get way behind and out of whack because I knew not to drive. Yesterday was different though. There was no warning and I truly believe that it was brought on by all the darn stress.
Last night was sleepless but today (so far) has been okay...really haven't applied myself to anything yet, so it could go either way. The only thing I have managed to deal with so far is calling my Mother and telling her about the deaths of 3 people, 2 of which who's funerals we have already missed!
I realize that the older you get, the more funerals you attend but lately, I have been seeing more and more tragedy in the way of "younger" folks. People in their 30's and 40's, not just to automobile crashes but other stuff too.
It just goes to show that each and every second should be treated with respect and appreciation. No matter how you are feeling at the moment, don't let a loved one leave your presence without giving them a kind word, a hug, a smile or a kiss.
Until next time!
I have been known to let things get way behind and out of whack because I knew not to drive. Yesterday was different though. There was no warning and I truly believe that it was brought on by all the darn stress.
Last night was sleepless but today (so far) has been okay...really haven't applied myself to anything yet, so it could go either way. The only thing I have managed to deal with so far is calling my Mother and telling her about the deaths of 3 people, 2 of which who's funerals we have already missed!
I realize that the older you get, the more funerals you attend but lately, I have been seeing more and more tragedy in the way of "younger" folks. People in their 30's and 40's, not just to automobile crashes but other stuff too.
It just goes to show that each and every second should be treated with respect and appreciation. No matter how you are feeling at the moment, don't let a loved one leave your presence without giving them a kind word, a hug, a smile or a kiss.
Until next time!
Friday, October 8, 2010
To drive or not to drive
Okay, so my son had to be taken to a scout camp today and dropped off. The camp is about 30 or so miles or so from our home and we had to run errands before he needed to be there @ 3:00 p.m., that was the plan anyway.
Here's how it actually went; we leave our house @ 1:10 p.m., head to the bank, then payed a bill. When leaving the shopping center, I'm sitting @ a red light, explaining to my children how, when the light turns green, you ease into the intersection and wait for it to clear before proceeding. As I'm telling this, the light goes green & I just sit there - it took (what seemed like) an eternity to process the color! Thankfully, no one was behind us!
Then, we head to a friend's workplace so she can buy popcorn from my scout. When we leave there, I go the way I thought we were supposed to go, but after we are in full motion my son says, "No Mom, you have to go to blah, blah, blah and then go blah, blah, blah." (That's what it sounded like to me anyway). So, I adjust my course, which thankfully wasn't too far off base and head to the campground.
Midway to our destination I notice my tank is getting low. So, I'm hoping it isn't much farther (never having been there myself before)and luckily it isn't - however, a mile or so from the campground we realize that we forgot to put the tent in the car!
A quick "u-ey" later, we are headed back to town and the gas station.....then I forget where I'm at and my 13 yr. old and 14 yr. old have to say, "No Mom, you are on the right road - keep going!"
We make it home safe and sound, run in the house and grab the tent and head back out. By this time we are about 40 mins. off our original mark and that alone makes me crazy! I cannot stand tardiness, especially when it's me who's tardy. Talk to the hubby and he say, "Don't worry, there is no set time for him to be there!" This is the same guy who said to have him there @ 3:00 originally - ugh!
The camp is down a long,narrow, gravel road and we met several cars coming from the opposite direction but it was tolerable...we wait in the parking lot for 30-40 mins. for a counselor to show up (wouldn't you know it, he's running late!)he helps my son with some stuff and then we proceed to check in. After check in, we help him haul his tent and gear to the staff site and watch/help him set up his tent (with NO hammer because .... we forgot it!)
Okay, kids are set and it's time to leave, weave through the lot, wave @ the nice man (that was standing in an "odd place"), go around the barricade and 1/2 down the road we came in on, my mind processes the ONE WAY sign that was posted on said barricade, then the oddly placed man popped to mind and it processes, like syrup, that he wasn't saying "bye" he was trying to head me off! - Extremely unsuccessfully!
Now, nobody was harmed and during the day it is a two way road but apparently during BUSY times it is not and you couldn't have picked a busier time than when we were leaving. Funny thing was, before the "light came on" and realization kicked in, I'm just having nine kinds of hissy fit about how the road should not be two way, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.....yep, that's me alright - always with the good ideas!
So, in order to deal with my mind fog, I'm documenting it - telling the whole world how stupid I am and how when I say there are days I shouldn't leave the house, I REALLY shouldn't leave the house - not with me driving anyway!
I think right now, I'm going to pour myself some juice, find my way to the couch and just sink down into it. I may or may not come up for air/food - depends on how much I want to subject myself to tonight....I'm feeling really awful about "stuff" right now.
Until next time!
Here's how it actually went; we leave our house @ 1:10 p.m., head to the bank, then payed a bill. When leaving the shopping center, I'm sitting @ a red light, explaining to my children how, when the light turns green, you ease into the intersection and wait for it to clear before proceeding. As I'm telling this, the light goes green & I just sit there - it took (what seemed like) an eternity to process the color! Thankfully, no one was behind us!
Then, we head to a friend's workplace so she can buy popcorn from my scout. When we leave there, I go the way I thought we were supposed to go, but after we are in full motion my son says, "No Mom, you have to go to blah, blah, blah and then go blah, blah, blah." (That's what it sounded like to me anyway). So, I adjust my course, which thankfully wasn't too far off base and head to the campground.
Midway to our destination I notice my tank is getting low. So, I'm hoping it isn't much farther (never having been there myself before)and luckily it isn't - however, a mile or so from the campground we realize that we forgot to put the tent in the car!
A quick "u-ey" later, we are headed back to town and the gas station.....then I forget where I'm at and my 13 yr. old and 14 yr. old have to say, "No Mom, you are on the right road - keep going!"
We make it home safe and sound, run in the house and grab the tent and head back out. By this time we are about 40 mins. off our original mark and that alone makes me crazy! I cannot stand tardiness, especially when it's me who's tardy. Talk to the hubby and he say, "Don't worry, there is no set time for him to be there!" This is the same guy who said to have him there @ 3:00 originally - ugh!
The camp is down a long,narrow, gravel road and we met several cars coming from the opposite direction but it was tolerable...we wait in the parking lot for 30-40 mins. for a counselor to show up (wouldn't you know it, he's running late!)he helps my son with some stuff and then we proceed to check in. After check in, we help him haul his tent and gear to the staff site and watch/help him set up his tent (with NO hammer because .... we forgot it!)
Okay, kids are set and it's time to leave, weave through the lot, wave @ the nice man (that was standing in an "odd place"), go around the barricade and 1/2 down the road we came in on, my mind processes the ONE WAY sign that was posted on said barricade, then the oddly placed man popped to mind and it processes, like syrup, that he wasn't saying "bye" he was trying to head me off! - Extremely unsuccessfully!
Now, nobody was harmed and during the day it is a two way road but apparently during BUSY times it is not and you couldn't have picked a busier time than when we were leaving. Funny thing was, before the "light came on" and realization kicked in, I'm just having nine kinds of hissy fit about how the road should not be two way, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.....yep, that's me alright - always with the good ideas!
So, in order to deal with my mind fog, I'm documenting it - telling the whole world how stupid I am and how when I say there are days I shouldn't leave the house, I REALLY shouldn't leave the house - not with me driving anyway!
I think right now, I'm going to pour myself some juice, find my way to the couch and just sink down into it. I may or may not come up for air/food - depends on how much I want to subject myself to tonight....I'm feeling really awful about "stuff" right now.
Until next time!
Slow and steady
Well I once again fell behind on my blogging but I have a good excuse - "I forgot about it!" :) lol!
Yesterday turned out to be a very hectic and full day of teaching, getting my hair chopped off,running errands, meeting the hubby for lunch, picking up kids, visiting with relatives, etc. By the time I got time to myself,I ran down and out of energy so quickly you'd of thought I'd been tranquilized - just another unpleasant fibro thing; up with pain or down with fatigue - ugh!
If it's any indication of how it hit me, I actually fell asleep on my couch while watching "Destination Truth." Now, for some that might not mean anything but for me,Josh Gates is...how shall I say it?....Ah yes, very captivating! :)
When I finally woke up,I staggered off to bed leaving my phone behind in the living room. Again, if you know me, that almost NEVER happens, as my blackberry and I share a very close relationship - one I rarely ever share with people! :)
Of course, as fate would have it, that's when I was needed and I couldn't be reached :( I know, the "big picture/plan" had all that already on the "map" but I cannot help questioning the "universe" as to why it would want me to be so rarely "out of it" when someone needed me??? (this IS how my mind works too - sadly.)
To make matters worse, when I got up this morning, I didn't even check my phone right away. Nope, I had Scout stuff on my mind instead. So, I print off multiple sheets my son needs for this afternoon, gathered up uniforms, etc. and began a load of laundry. Only to have the hose disconnect, AGAIN, and wash down my mud room for the 3rd time...luckily, I ripped all the carpet out of there last week...because it was wet from the first 2 "hosings"!
Once all of that was resolved, I check my phone to find that a dear friend had been taken to the ER in the early a.m. and is now in the ICU unit. How's that for a swift kick in the "guilt-gut!" Luckily, she is now stable but it doesn't make up for the fact that I was unreachable when they needed me - gonna have to find a way to resolve all this within myself @ some point but for now, would appreciate any and all prayers for her and her family.
Anyway, today is another "fun-filled" day of school,errands and hauling children here and there. I've actually remembered to take my morning meds, had a cup of coffee and cleaned up the laundry disaster - so maybe, just maybe I can get from A to B without mishap??? Here's to hoping!
Until next time!
Yesterday turned out to be a very hectic and full day of teaching, getting my hair chopped off,running errands, meeting the hubby for lunch, picking up kids, visiting with relatives, etc. By the time I got time to myself,I ran down and out of energy so quickly you'd of thought I'd been tranquilized - just another unpleasant fibro thing; up with pain or down with fatigue - ugh!
If it's any indication of how it hit me, I actually fell asleep on my couch while watching "Destination Truth." Now, for some that might not mean anything but for me,Josh Gates is...how shall I say it?....Ah yes, very captivating! :)
When I finally woke up,I staggered off to bed leaving my phone behind in the living room. Again, if you know me, that almost NEVER happens, as my blackberry and I share a very close relationship - one I rarely ever share with people! :)
Of course, as fate would have it, that's when I was needed and I couldn't be reached :( I know, the "big picture/plan" had all that already on the "map" but I cannot help questioning the "universe" as to why it would want me to be so rarely "out of it" when someone needed me??? (this IS how my mind works too - sadly.)
To make matters worse, when I got up this morning, I didn't even check my phone right away. Nope, I had Scout stuff on my mind instead. So, I print off multiple sheets my son needs for this afternoon, gathered up uniforms, etc. and began a load of laundry. Only to have the hose disconnect, AGAIN, and wash down my mud room for the 3rd time...luckily, I ripped all the carpet out of there last week...because it was wet from the first 2 "hosings"!
Once all of that was resolved, I check my phone to find that a dear friend had been taken to the ER in the early a.m. and is now in the ICU unit. How's that for a swift kick in the "guilt-gut!" Luckily, she is now stable but it doesn't make up for the fact that I was unreachable when they needed me - gonna have to find a way to resolve all this within myself @ some point but for now, would appreciate any and all prayers for her and her family.
Anyway, today is another "fun-filled" day of school,errands and hauling children here and there. I've actually remembered to take my morning meds, had a cup of coffee and cleaned up the laundry disaster - so maybe, just maybe I can get from A to B without mishap??? Here's to hoping!
Until next time!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Memories
Well, I didn't post again last night like I thought I would. I hurt too darn bad to sit anywhere for any length of time so being at the computer was out. To say it was an "off" night would be an understatement. If this is any indication - I normally set my side of the sleep number bed @ 5, yep..5 but last night's pain was so intense that I got up around 2'ish and reset it to a whopping 15! Who knows where it will end up tonight.
However, today has been much better...just as my children and I completely knocked out two walls and I was good and covered in drywall and my house totally trashed, my cousin, whom I haven't seen in over 20 yrs.,knocks on my door!
After the initial shock at seeing his smiling face I began to profusely apologize for my appearance and that of my house to which he said, "I don't care what it looks like, I came to see you - not your house!" That's family!! lol!
We spent the better part of our visit reminiscing about relatives and what we have done over the last 20 years. It's funny how something so simple, like a visit, can lift you up when you are feeling down. I know for me,it was just what the doctor ordered.
If I had to describe today, I would say it was full of old walls coming down, both factually and figuratively :) Either way, good cheer makes the pains more tolerable and we could all use a little of that no matter what the pain is.
So, on that note, I'm signing off - I have an early appointment with some HVAC people who are "allegedly" going to be here EARLY to fix my furnace (that was promised to be fixed no later than today :) "Ah, stuff happens though" - right??
Until next time!
However, today has been much better...just as my children and I completely knocked out two walls and I was good and covered in drywall and my house totally trashed, my cousin, whom I haven't seen in over 20 yrs.,knocks on my door!
After the initial shock at seeing his smiling face I began to profusely apologize for my appearance and that of my house to which he said, "I don't care what it looks like, I came to see you - not your house!" That's family!! lol!
We spent the better part of our visit reminiscing about relatives and what we have done over the last 20 years. It's funny how something so simple, like a visit, can lift you up when you are feeling down. I know for me,it was just what the doctor ordered.
If I had to describe today, I would say it was full of old walls coming down, both factually and figuratively :) Either way, good cheer makes the pains more tolerable and we could all use a little of that no matter what the pain is.
So, on that note, I'm signing off - I have an early appointment with some HVAC people who are "allegedly" going to be here EARLY to fix my furnace (that was promised to be fixed no later than today :) "Ah, stuff happens though" - right??
Until next time!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Brrr....
So I didn't blog yesterday :( It was crazy @ my house. My furnace went out (again) and we had the 1st frost warning for the season...figures right?
It turned out not to be bad at all in the house and we didn't build a fire in the fireplace until this morning. My kids sure enjoyed the warmth when they got up lol!
So, today is an achy day - yuck! My hips are hurting so badly they feel as if they are about to explode from the inside out. I know that sounds strange but if you are a sufferer you understand the strangeness of the pain. Between the stomach issues, back pain and the headache,that I swear is a tumor, I'm set for an awful and achy Tuesday.
I can't help but wonder if all of this is weather related or if my current stress isn't adding to it. I've been throwing myself one heck of a pity party over the fact that my parental unit is no longer a part of my life - reality sucks sometimes huh?
Anyway, if I make it through this day, I will post again tonight to document the progression of the current pain(s).
Until next time!
It turned out not to be bad at all in the house and we didn't build a fire in the fireplace until this morning. My kids sure enjoyed the warmth when they got up lol!
So, today is an achy day - yuck! My hips are hurting so badly they feel as if they are about to explode from the inside out. I know that sounds strange but if you are a sufferer you understand the strangeness of the pain. Between the stomach issues, back pain and the headache,that I swear is a tumor, I'm set for an awful and achy Tuesday.
I can't help but wonder if all of this is weather related or if my current stress isn't adding to it. I've been throwing myself one heck of a pity party over the fact that my parental unit is no longer a part of my life - reality sucks sometimes huh?
Anyway, if I make it through this day, I will post again tonight to document the progression of the current pain(s).
Until next time!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Ugh!
The weather change has me spinning. I am achy, fatigued and miserable today. I love fall but I can't seem to make the switch from warm to cool without some kind of backlash.
My neck, shoulders and back are "tight." It feels like my muscles are trying to scrunch together for warmth or something. I'm hurting so much that laying down isn't an option because they (the muscles) are tender to the touch.
I'm thinking that no matter how I try tonight, sleep is going to be elusive. I'd medicate and then wash it down with a "toddy" but I'm on meds for my diverticulitis that forbids any alcohol.....grrrr!
So, I'm going to find my book, make some hot, lemon tea and go watch some football. Maybe watching all the pain the players feel will make mine seem small in comparison and I will be able to ignore it for a bit.
Until next time!
My neck, shoulders and back are "tight." It feels like my muscles are trying to scrunch together for warmth or something. I'm hurting so much that laying down isn't an option because they (the muscles) are tender to the touch.
I'm thinking that no matter how I try tonight, sleep is going to be elusive. I'd medicate and then wash it down with a "toddy" but I'm on meds for my diverticulitis that forbids any alcohol.....grrrr!
So, I'm going to find my book, make some hot, lemon tea and go watch some football. Maybe watching all the pain the players feel will make mine seem small in comparison and I will be able to ignore it for a bit.
Until next time!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
"Weather" or not
Well, fall finally made it to our neck of the woods and although I love cooler temps, the sudden change is messing with my fibro bad!
For instance, I have had absolutely NO energy to speak of. As a matter of fact, I napped off and on in my chair most of the afternoon. That is so not like me - I am not a napper. I wake up all jittery and discombobulated, ugh! Today however, nap, do something for the kids, nap, do something else for the kids, nap, etc....
My son has been running a low temp for the last two days and is fighting a cold, one that I'm sure to get because that's how it goes in our house. Anyway, he laid around all day and my daughter had a friend overnight and they hung out all day.
The only real thing I accomplished was to get the new landscaping done in the turtle's aquarium - wow...how's that for progress? Oh yes, I managed to speak with my mother early in the morning so that information I gleaned from her could ruin my entire demeanor - score!
So, stress, weather changes and cold germs - yup, heading down a slippery slope and into a fibro cyclone I think. With any luck, I can med-up, go to bed and dodge one or more of the offenders!
Until next time!
For instance, I have had absolutely NO energy to speak of. As a matter of fact, I napped off and on in my chair most of the afternoon. That is so not like me - I am not a napper. I wake up all jittery and discombobulated, ugh! Today however, nap, do something for the kids, nap, do something else for the kids, nap, etc....
My son has been running a low temp for the last two days and is fighting a cold, one that I'm sure to get because that's how it goes in our house. Anyway, he laid around all day and my daughter had a friend overnight and they hung out all day.
The only real thing I accomplished was to get the new landscaping done in the turtle's aquarium - wow...how's that for progress? Oh yes, I managed to speak with my mother early in the morning so that information I gleaned from her could ruin my entire demeanor - score!
So, stress, weather changes and cold germs - yup, heading down a slippery slope and into a fibro cyclone I think. With any luck, I can med-up, go to bed and dodge one or more of the offenders!
Until next time!
What now?
Well, we made through another day but now, as the weekend approaches, my son is running a low temp and has a sore throat and mine is bit scratchy too :(
What is it about kids, the weekend and illnesses? Have you ever noticed that they can be right as rain Monday - Friday, 5 p.m. and then, "Wham! sick kid" and the doctor's office is closed until Monday.
Yep, that's pretty much been the last 14 yrs. of our lives. Want real excitement, hang around with us on holiday weekends when even walk-in clinics are closed and you end up in the ER cause your kid has a temp of 103 or 104 - that's been us too.
Anyway, I think he and I are fighting off a cold and we always temp up just a bit before it hits us full force. A cold I can live with though - for me personally that is. However, I hate it when my kids are sick even if it's just a cold....that's a parent thing though, right?
So no serious fibro stuff today - multiple stabbing pains in the feet and legs but nothing that can't be overlooked. This is good compared to how it can be so I'm having another "grateful" moment :)
I did a bunch of nothing today & so far, that has staved off any ugly symptoms this week. Can't continue do nothing though so we'll see what pops up when I get back into my daily grind. I'll let you know :)
Until next time!
What is it about kids, the weekend and illnesses? Have you ever noticed that they can be right as rain Monday - Friday, 5 p.m. and then, "Wham! sick kid" and the doctor's office is closed until Monday.
Yep, that's pretty much been the last 14 yrs. of our lives. Want real excitement, hang around with us on holiday weekends when even walk-in clinics are closed and you end up in the ER cause your kid has a temp of 103 or 104 - that's been us too.
Anyway, I think he and I are fighting off a cold and we always temp up just a bit before it hits us full force. A cold I can live with though - for me personally that is. However, I hate it when my kids are sick even if it's just a cold....that's a parent thing though, right?
So no serious fibro stuff today - multiple stabbing pains in the feet and legs but nothing that can't be overlooked. This is good compared to how it can be so I'm having another "grateful" moment :)
I did a bunch of nothing today & so far, that has staved off any ugly symptoms this week. Can't continue do nothing though so we'll see what pops up when I get back into my daily grind. I'll let you know :)
Until next time!
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