tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6519504686199354422024-03-08T11:21:41.738-06:00From Inside the Fibro-FogWhat my personal life is like living with Fibromyalgia.Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.comBlogger63125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-49729624486845013622012-10-05T14:03:00.000-05:002012-10-05T14:03:09.109-05:00I Once Was Lost......but Now I'm BACK! :)Hi-di-Ho!<br />
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I've not been blogging now for over a year....I just fell into oblivion and couldn't bring myself to climb out. I have pretty much quit writing - anything & I'm "okay" with that .... I think!<br />
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So, overall recap - lost 40+ lbs. because I went off all my meds except my lung stuff and then let a doctor convince me I needed Sythroid again...needless to say, gained back almost 25 of the lost weight!!! Now I'm struggling to re-gain control of me.<br />
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I did however have a nutritionist recently explain to me that because I have Hypothyroidism, I cannot use stimulants for weight loss, they act in the opposite fashion! I now have a high protein intake and watching my fat/sugar. I also attempt to walk & exercise daily. We'll see....<br />
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Anyway, the flare-ups come and go still - which still sucks! All in all though, I'm hanging in there & hoping to get back on track with my blog.<br />
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Until Next Time! <br />
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<br />Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-86605746092082808892011-08-16T20:57:00.000-05:002012-10-05T14:02:48.335-05:00Checking inHello followers!<br />
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I haven't been here in what seems like forever! Have had ups and downs lately and unable to get my act together enough to blog - ugh!<br />
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Well, the newest thing...I've now lost somewhere around 30 lbs. and I'm feeling more and more like my old self. The only hard flare up I've had that bares remembering was brought on by a rock concert - lol! Well, we stood out in the heat wave for almost 2 hrs. waiting to get in and then had a SRO concert that lasted another almost 3 hrs....by the time it was over, I seriously thought I was going to have to be carried to the car.<br />
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Needless to say, it wiped me out for a couple of days but by that Friday I was back on the road to Chicago and did the whole tourist bit with my girls and a dear friend.....such is the life right? lol! Anyway, I was extremely glad to see the end of July and welcomed August with open arms, until I found myself in the ER, that is.<br />
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Thought I was passing kidney stones but found out I have a fatty liver??? Figures, I lose weight and my flippin' liver finds it! lol! I'm not going to concern myself with this issue because I'm eating so well/healthy and it's all in God's hands for me now.<br />
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Put the kids back into public school this week and I can now close that chapter on the home-school phase of our lives. It was an experience that I would not trade for anything in the world but they needed the high school experiences and I need to seriously need to concentrate on working again - win, win!<br />
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So, that's just a brief recap of what has been happening and with any luck and determination, I will get back into this blog with more consistency :) Hope all is well with all of you!<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-40110685754963876952011-05-16T18:10:00.000-05:002011-05-16T18:10:06.910-05:00Another DayHaven't posted in an "eternity" but I am still here! The weather has taken another brutal swing & it has, of course, has sent me into flare-up orbit! I'm dealing but some of the recent days have been rough.....<br />
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I'm happy to say that I'm still "all herbal!" I have lost about 12 lbs. and I'm making my daily walk of about 1 mile, when the weather permits. Even while fighting the pain in my hips, I feel like I've cheated myself if I don't get my walk in.<br />
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I've not had any real new developments that needed sharing - just wanted to make a quick post to let everyone know I'm still kicking, all be it right around ankle height! lol!<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-90821503448915075522011-04-27T08:32:00.000-05:002011-04-27T08:32:45.541-05:00Soggy TimesThe weather here has been dreadful and I just haven't felt like posting lately. Anytime we are overcast and rainy like this past week, I just want to loll around like a slug....and pretty much have been. Easter has come and gone and although it was extremely nice to hang out with some of the family again, it still provided its own type of stress for me - ugh!<br />
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Our area is going through major flooding of historic proportions and who knows what tomorrow will bring. My kids are on a count down to school being out for the summer, hubby is working 60+ weekly and me, well....I'm still broken but I think I'm on the mending side of broken right now :)<br />
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A few months ago I decided I was going to try to "fix" me. I have started by ditching all of my prescription medications. I now take only herbal supplements; "D", Calcium, B-12, Flax Seed (occasionally) and I also have added a Water Pill to my daily intake.This, so far, has been a prudent move on my part as I don't feel "dependent" and I seem to be acclimating to the new routine quite well.<br />
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I also began a program, ran by a dear friend, called "Healthy Living." This is a program designed for healthy weight loss via worship and support. It isn't drastic as far as food goes either. It is more about monitoring your intake - period. You watch the amounts of sugars, carbs, proteins, sodium, etc. Not just one or the other, you watch it all - it makes a real difference.<br />
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To date I've lost about 12 lbs. Not much in the overall scheme of things but a great start and just the boost I needed to keep going. I still haven't checked out the local doctor - it's on my "to do" list but right now I need to handle things this way as opposed to that way. lol!<br />
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Currently, the majority of my problems come from stress and that stress is centered around personal relationships. However, I'm hoping come May 9th - all will be set right again. I'd love to elaborate as to why that particular date but right now, it is simply a theory I have going and I wouldn't want to "jinx" it! lol!<br />
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So, here's to staying dry and afloat, medicine free, unstressed and eating healthy!!!!<br />
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Until next time!<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-59804021231777588152011-04-05T09:06:00.000-05:002011-04-05T09:06:30.694-05:00Ankles AwayI have found that the description for Fibro is a bit misleading - well, kinda anyway....it's often described as "overall body pain" and that is true but also a tad bit deceptive. For me anyway, I do have pain from head to toe but not all at once. I have lovely little twinges I call, "hot spots!"<br />
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For example; right now, my "hot spot" is my ankle. Out of the clear blue it started aching and swelled up. I have an ankle brace because it has been known to be one of my spots. It flares, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week and then it clears up...that's what all of my "hot spots" do.<br />
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Nope, anti-inflammatory medicines do not help with these either, for me anyway. Generally, I have to treat the ankle just like a sprang in every other way though. I brace, elevate and ice until I feel like I can walk normally again. It is a total pain in the rump but it's just how it is.<br />
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Last week it was my hands, elbows and shoulders. Out of the blue, my fingers swelled to the size of sausages and I even had a hard time removing my wedding band. This, fortunately, is almost always temporary - as in, hours if not minutes. However, it doesn't keep it from being both strange and annoying :)<br />
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Because I'm on a new health conscious "quest" I have taken a stance this week - I have decided to eliminate what prescription pills I can and replace them with herbal supplements. I have altered my food intake and have pushed very hard along the lines of physical activity. Yes, that could all have something to do with my phantom ankle pain but I am determined to not allow it to shut me down completely.<br />
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I have a route I've been walking which is about 1 mile and when the weather turns, (as it has lately,) I use my indoor stepper. I want to get into a shape other than "round" - actually, I'm more of a "pear" shape and, as I've stated many times, I don't like it! So, I push on!<br />
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Let's just face it - with emotional issues, weather, toxins and whatever other stuff out there that can cause us spoonies to flare, just waiting on us - we have to take a stance somewhere. There will be consequences to my actions but there are whether I do anything or not, right?<br />
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So, with my ankle firmly braced, elevated and iced, I bid you all "ta-ta", until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-25214256987004408442011-03-16T16:30:00.000-05:002011-03-16T16:30:15.902-05:00Here I Go Again!I've done it again, I've let my stress level get so high that I'm flying head first into a flare up! Darn my low boiling point and quick temper to bits!! Being that we are on the threshold of St. Patrick's Day, I'm gonna go ahead and blame it on my Irish heritage lol!<br />
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Joking aside, stress is one of the worst enemies of #spoonies - for me personally, it can throw me into a flare up quicker than an aerobic work out. For the last week or so, I have been building up to a major blow up and it came to a rolling, boiling head today. Now, as I sit here and type this, I'm hurting from stem to stern. . . ugh!<br />
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I tried to work out my frustrations by doing things around the house and in the yard today. The weather here is too beautiful for words so I cleaned up the yard somewhat and then decided to install the window blinds I bought last night. The latter of those two was not one of my more brilliant thoughts - they are up and they look nice but "Oh My Gosh!"<br />
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My daughter and her friend we listening to me struggle and timidly asked me if I was okay, to which I responded, "I didn't have this much trouble giving birth!!!" They laughed but me, I was ready to cry - see I'm not smart enough to use a drill so I was trying to tap and drive screws in a VERY confined area. I insist on putting the blinds within the window casing/framing so not only is it confined but the angles are darn near impossible!!<br />
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So, my neck, shoulders, hands and arms are really feeling the brunt of the flare because they have had the most exertion. Couple all of that with the stress and I'd have to say, "I guess I picked the wrong day to quit using Xanax!" lol! Sorry, couldn't miss an opportunity to kinda quote one of my favorite movies of all time - "Airplane"<br />
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I have to add that several of my friends have helped me lately with one particular agitation. They have given advice, support and empathy. These simply acts of kindness and camaraderie have kept this episode from being 10x worse - so, "Thanks friends, you know who you are!" :) You just gotta love people and social networking sometimes!<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-50274634991241788132011-03-13T08:33:00.000-05:002011-03-13T08:33:25.464-05:00I'm up!Well, I had ample opportunity to sleep in but instead, I woke up with yet another raging headache! It's the stupid curse of the sinuses and knowing that still doesn't make it go away! lol!<br />
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I haven't blogged for awhile because I've been battling the sinuses and the teenagers :) We are cramming as much as we can into this final semester and hoping to get where we want to be before May....ah, the beauty of homeschooling - I don't have to give them "Spring Break!" ahahaha!<br />
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Another advantage is P.E. any way I want. So, we've been walking. However, I pushed myself with my walking the other day - it was feeling really good so I walked about a mile...needless to say, I HURT! I am still not loving the shaper shoes I bought and I don't see that relationship improving any time soon. They feel weird on my feet and I've had them for over a month now.<br />
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Haven't yet checked out the area Doctor - time has gotten away from me. Need to leave myself a big note on my computer so I will remember to check. In the meantime, I have added B12 to my daily regime of pills. So far, I like it and yes, I do feel a tad bit more energetic as well. - yeah for me!!!<br />
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I will try to remember to post the ongoing results of that little experiment too - note; Shaper Shoes - kinda a bust; Doctor - Not yet; B12 - so far, so good!<br />
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Until next time!!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-29943852105374035632011-02-28T15:28:00.000-06:002011-02-28T15:28:29.804-06:00Down DaysToday is one of my "down days." When I have them, (which lately is all too often) I simply cannot function properly on any level.....I'm sure anyone who suffers from depression can completely understand what I'm saying.<br />
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Anyway, I truly, truly believe there's a connection with the physical and mental aspects of my health. This morning, when I finally went to bed, (horrible storms kept me vigilant until after 2 a.m.), I did not sleep well. Which, as tired as I was, should not have been the case at all.<br />
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I woke up with awful lower back pain and twitchy legs - it took several tries with the sleep number bed to find an adjustment that helped eliminate it. I also had to medicate and then I ended up oversleeping and missing an appointment for first thing in the a.m. - ugh!<br />
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So, I went from tense, to exhausted to suffering in pain, to over-rested - all in a span of a few hours. After starting my morning out so "suckish", I moved on to other things, like dealing with stressful/painful family crap. I must have subconsciously set myself up for that mental slap in the face because that's exactly what I got! Actually, my reaction to all of it was a carry over from yesterday so it had 24 hrs. to brew into a major source of aggravation for me - yay!<br />
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Now my mood has progressed into this "blah" state and I don't see it lifting anytime soon. So, if you were to ask me if these stages of health/lack of health and mental anguish are related, I'd have to say, "Yes." At least, for me they are. However, the absolute worst part of me being "pissy" is that I let it "roll down hill" so to speak. I'm working on that :) A friend posted she was going to take a nap to get rid of her grouchiness - I responded with, "I'd have to be "Rip Van Winkle" to end my grouchiness!" Sadly, that is very, very true.<br />
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When I'm like this, major decision making should never be left up to me. For example; Right now, I would gladly sell my house and most everything in it and beat feet out of here! I don't want to be here, I don't want to see anything here and I sure as heck don't want to deal with most of the stuff I deal with here! Ugh - talk about feeling trapped!<br />
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That is my current state of mind and it sucks! I'm tired of the roller coaster of well/unwell, happy/unhappy, pain/painless, connected/unconnected. If, by some weird kind of twist of fate, this all happens to be one huge coincidence - then I have to put this statement/question out into the universe, "Oh come on! - Really????"<br />
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I'm closing this now because I feel the overwhelming need to get a warm rice sock and go lay down with it on my head....this is probably the best route for all involved as it will remove me from everyone's presence and cut them all a huge break :)<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-16711785426305996122011-02-24T18:05:00.000-06:002011-02-24T18:05:57.705-06:00Well, that sucks!After a long wait for a DVD that I had hoped would "show me the way to recovery," I got an email saying that I live too far away from their office for them to send me one :( The email included some offices closer to me that follow the same philosophy and I will check into them but for now, I'm just majorly disappointed.<br />
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It has been a very, very rough couple of weeks. My daughter and I have been taking turns being sick and it is currently my turn. I have a raging sinus infection and flare up going on at the same time - ugh! The flooding outside hasn't done much to lighten my mood but it has relieved my headache somewhat.<br />
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So for now, I'm going to wrap my head in a warm rice sock, take more medicine and lay back and "Listen to they rhythm of the falling rain!" lol! When I know more about this "Healing Philosophy," I will be more than happy to share.<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-37956434272802600012011-02-03T11:45:00.000-06:002011-02-03T11:45:25.619-06:00Enough AlreadyWell, if stress and sadness are factors in flare ups then I'm in for a doozy! Last night our son found our sweet little sable shepherd dead in her dog house and this morning, my daughter discovered her turtle dead in his habitat........we've cried enough around here to make a river.<br />
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Now we are looking @ two pet funerals in one afternoon and my stomach acid is churning like there's no tomorrow - who knows, at this rate there may not be!<br />
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I admit, losing a pet is so hard...two, even harder but dealing with your children and their loss is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. They are mortified even though they fully understand that what lives dies. It's a double heartbreak for a parent - the loss is hard on you too but then to see your child devastated, well...it's rough.<br />
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So, I guess I just wanted to put it out into the universe that really, "Enough already!" My heart cannot take anymore right now.<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-43134495156610334622011-01-31T11:09:00.000-06:002011-01-31T11:09:06.237-06:00I'm Still HereIt's been awhile since I posted because I've been caught up in "life" stuff but I have some calm now so, "Here I am!"<br />
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It's been a week of ups and downs but I have recently began a 12 week program, with some dear friends, that is designed to help us change our habits from negative to positive via friendship, support and the Bible. Just as I began this, I got sick with a bug. So...I'm starting from scratch this week basically - ugh! I will keep you posted on those results as I go along.<br />
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Today however, I want to know if anyone has seen the fibro ad on fb from the doctor in Tinley Park, IL? I was drawn to it because the "grabber" says, "It's all in your head" and that is a huge pet peeve of mine. However, the YouTube video that it takes you too was intriguing enough for me to order the free DVD. The guy is Dr. Edward Beyer and he states that it is literally "in your head", at the top of the brain stem.....hmmm.<br />
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I haven't gotten it yet, as this was just a day or so ago, but I will post something after I have watched it. I know that doing something like this is a desperate attempt at relief but that's where I'm at so, "Why not?" I know I'm not alone in wanting my life back and I'm willing to listen to what this guy has to say.<br />
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So, that being said - I have to take my broken self and attempt to get my "already behind" day started. Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-33809217572068704632011-01-20T09:26:00.000-06:002011-01-20T09:26:45.735-06:00Obesity and FibroI love all the stuff coming out right now about how obesity makes Fibro worse...."Really???" For myself I can say this, "No kidding! However, I wasn't obese until this crap hit me!!!!" At what point will the "experts" determine that exercise hurts us and the fatigue keeps some of us from running marathons? - well, me anyway.<br />
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I was never an athletic person - ever....but I was active. I worked and did stuff like a normal human being. The only time my weight was over 145 lbs. was when I was pregnant. Now, I'd give anything (figuratively speaking) to be back @ that weight.<br />
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Look, I don't want to now nor have I ever wanted to be a darn Super Model. I don't want the calendar girl figure either - I want my figure back. The one that saw me through thick and thin (pun intended there). I was never "hot" but I felt comfortable with me. Right now, I feel and look like I ate the old me and haven't burped her out yet!!!!!<br />
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Instead of the experts pointing out the obvious - how about they figure out what causes this mess (I suggest looking really, really closely at female medicines/products that we have ingested for years) or create a weight loss medicine that could help us...........I DO NOT LIKE WHO I AM NOR WHAT I LOOK LIKE - STOP TELLING ME TO LOSE WEIGHT WHEN I ALREADY KNOW I NEED TO!!<br />
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Okay, that being screamed and "Nope, I don't feel better", moving on - the bottom line is; We know we need help, we are begging for it. When will it be truly heard? I feel this latest announcement is just one sentence ahead of, "It's all in your head." Now, "It's all in your waistline" - thanks experts!<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-76708033669386368792011-01-15T18:07:00.000-06:002011-01-15T18:07:59.552-06:00Pardon my coughWell, I managed to get sick - again! What started out as a normal Monday morning turned into a week long illness. I have to say it, "I HATE being sick!!" I am the first to admit it, I am the world's worst sick person. I am a HUGE baby when I get body aches. I'm cool with everything else. That is to say, I can die quietly on my own but throw in body aches and "Oh my word!" I get whiny and pitiful.<br />
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So, for almost a week now I've been broken-broken. It sucks! My son was sick too, for about 24 hrs. He recovered fully and has been camping since yesterday! Ah, youth and resilience - I WANT SOME!! lol! I miss being able to bounce back from things easily.Oh well, I'm glad he did and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.<br />
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Thankfully, the flu part of this is over but I'm now battling with bronchitis. This in itself is awful for me as I already have horrible lung issues. I am just so grateful that I had my flu shot back in November, I'd hate to think what this could have done to me without it. Right now it's cough, cough, cough! Sitting up is makes things a bit more tolerable but that really puts a cramp in sleeping.....ugh!<br />
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I guess it's a sure thing to say that sickness will attack you where you are weakest. For example; body aches with me will attack in my lower back and hips and almost every cold for me turns into bronchitis. These are two areas where I am the weakest physiologically. I can't help but wonder what the Fibro is really doing to me - I know what the experts say about it but how can something that affects your daily existence so much not have detrimental impacts within your body???<br />
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Oh well, that's just life huh? For now, I'm taking it very, very slowly. If I over exert it will come back on me right now with horrible consequences. Good thing I have a good book series to keep me company. It's a lonely life sometimes.<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-30512428534263316792011-01-09T11:34:00.000-06:002011-01-09T11:34:13.694-06:00I Hate...well, lots of stuff!You know, I've always drilled into my kids heads, "Never say "hate" - dislike is always the better word!" However, I have found that I HATE; cold weather, invisible illnesses, insubordination and denial in the face of obviousness!<br />
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Okay, as you may have guessed, it's COLD here today and it's making me ill tempered. Also, you may have gathered that I'm sick of Fibro and all its crap! Now, add in two teenagers who think the world owes them EVERYTHING and you have my current existence in a nutshell!<br />
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I realize that I got sick right at the critical time they were learning from me by example - I mean, I crashed hard when I first took ill and I literally STOPPED taking care of stuff. The results are more than obvious. As I look @ my teen children I see two people who do not care about their personal looks or the condition of their surroundings. They do not care about how they are perceived or received and I cannot make it clear to them that they should.<br />
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I fight a daily battle to get them to help themselves, let alone me and our household......and it's all because of me. I did this - all be it unintentionally, I am still ultimately responsible. Now, I have no way of knowing how to reverse this horrible mess. :(<br />
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I/we have always strove to teach them pride in themselves and what they do. That no matter what they do, their signature is on it - you'd think that once they reach the teenage years, that would mean SOMETHING - ANYTHING! Grrrrrr!!!!!<br />
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Okay, at the risk of sounding like a bragging parent, my children are intelligent beings. They aren't Mensa candidates by any means (yet - fingers crossed tightly) but in my honest opinion, they could be some day. However, simple tasks like doing what they are told and doing them correctly the first time are darn near impossible. It gives me serious cause for concern.<br />
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The reason why this "stuff" is included in my Fibro blog is because all of this compounds into stress that could backlash the average #spoonie into a flare up! Right now, I'm teetering because of the weather, the children, money issues and several other personal things going on.<br />
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Today, I choose to deal with all of it by checking out. I'm going to pretend none of it exists - at least for a couple of hours. I'm hoping that it will help me regain some personal control - I can always hope, right??? So, I'm hibernating and hiding in my own house - wow, what I've become in order to exist semi-pain free is simply sad.<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-74356808454097569392011-01-01T12:35:00.000-06:002011-01-01T12:35:43.495-06:00Happy New YearI, like millions of other people, have come to some, "Beginning the New Year" decisions. I have decided to call them "Challenges" as opposed to "Resolutions" as in my life, nothing is EVER resolute. They change and morph daily therefore becoming challenges.<br />
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So, along with my utter astonishment at my arrival to the year 2011, I am equally amazed that I arrived here so over weight, out of shape and broken. Therefore, my number one challenge is to "Fix what is Broken!" Beginning with ME - this shall prove to be one of the greatest challenges I have ever undertaken because I am really quite broken :) However, I know that I have determination lurking somewhere just under my layers of resignation, depression and consternation, so I have to dig deep! lol!<br />
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I leave this blog short because in order to get anything done toward this challenge I have to start immediately - "Go into the new year with a new attitude, it may actually get you to where you want to be!"<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-28727339817530943532010-12-27T20:02:00.000-06:002010-12-27T20:02:32.706-06:00*Deep SighWell, it's official, Christmas 2010 is over. I'm not sure about you but I know that I can say that I'm glad but somewhat sad about it too. This is my typical "Holiday Let Down" period. The last of the gifts have been distributed, the bills are already coming in and the tree is begging to be taken down....yep, let down.<br />
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I'm just that way though - it means it's over and done and whatever I didn't get right cannot be corrected now...does that make any sense? Well, it's a quirk of mine that, unfortunately, cannot be blamed on my brokenness - it's simply my weirdness :)<br />
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As for my health during the holiday - well, it fluxed as always but not nearly as bad as I would have thought. We made a 6 hour drive and slept in a foreign bed for 3 nights then traveled another 6 hours but my aches, I'm proud to say, we minimal.<br />
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Now, as for my stress level - well that my friends is quite a different subject. I know I am a far cry from the only person that stresses during this time of year, so I won't even go into it. I do know that with me, it manifests into headaches, stomach acid rising and neck pain - let's just say that all three came around a couple of times :)<br />
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Aside from the normal holiday blitz, my children got to spend Christmas with their paternal Grandparents - a first for them. They have seen them just before or right after but never on the day of. Considering both of my children are teens, that's a major accomplishment.We were also fortunate enough to take them into Chicago on Christmas night, just before the snow hit downtown. We had flurries and lights and laughter, a wonderful, wonderful memory.<br />
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So, in closing, I leave you with happy memories, warm thoughts and wishes for many more of both. I hope your Christmases were as joyous as ours.<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-18508228580092016392010-12-15T08:40:00.000-06:002010-12-15T08:40:12.038-06:00"Suck'ish"Well, I've come to the conclusion that December, for me, has just simply become "Suck'ish!" No, not the holiday stuff - although quite frankly, the pressure and commercialization of that isn't exactly a treat. No, this is more of a personal thing...my Dad died in December two years ago and then on Sunday a very dear friend and longtime neighbor passed away unexpectedly.<br />
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I've had an emotional week to say the least and when my emotions run high, so too does my aches and pains and all around bitchiness. I have not been a "Peach" to be around lately of which I'm sure my children could attest to.<br />
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This week has eerily paralleled the week my Dad died, even down to the foul weather coming in. We are expecting and ice event tonight through tomorrow and of course the wake/funeral are tonight and tomorrow. When Dad died, we had to drive through an ice event to make his arrangements, etc. and then the day of his funeral, it was so horrible out that the funeral director advised us to forgo the graveside service. We didn't but still....nasty stuff.<br />
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On a happier and fun-filled note; Saturday two of my best friends, along with our children, are making holiday soaps!! I am so looking forward to laughter and adult female conversation....it has the promise of being exactly what I need.<br />
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So, from a sad but looking to the future #spoonie - try to enjoy life while you can!<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-33056484400843870852010-12-08T07:35:00.000-06:002010-12-08T07:35:24.980-06:00Grouchy much?Well Lulu finally decided to go into hibernation - yay!!! Found that I could keep her quiet with an extra dose of Advair daily - God only knows what it does to me elsewhere but I'm good for now.<br />
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The weather here has turned frigid and it is taking a toll on me. I hurt from stem to stern and back again with little or no relief to be found. I do believe that it has put me on edge as I am super-sensitive emotionally and ready to strike like a cobra...all at the same time! Actually, if I could spew split pea soup and rotate my head around, I could totally pass as a stunt double for Linda Blaire!!!<br />
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The impending holiday has me skittery too - between broken automobiles and appliances, gifts and normal bills, well it puts me right there with millions of other people :) Thank goodness that my children are getting older and understand that we put more emphasis on gifts for birthdays now - Oct. birthday, Nov. birthday, Christmas then Jan. birthday - ugh!!!<br />
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I have managed to interact with people more lately. Considering how I've been the last few months, that's a major improvement. I attended a cookie exchange with some friends and family and have made tentative dinner arrangements with a good friend - so, my self imposed exile is, for now, waning a bit at least.<br />
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If I could just convince myself to get back into the "game" ..... nah, who am I kidding here, I'm a loner and pretty much enjoy it! lol! An occasional interaction is good for me though so I have to force myself out there once in awhile.<br />
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I don't know what irks me most right now, my overall emotional sensitivity, my aches or my uber sensitive senses of smell and sound. For example, right now my cat is about 5 ft. from me but she is licking incessantly and it is driving me up a tree!!!<br />
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The sound thing is not a new development by any means. This has been an affliction of mine since early childhood. My Father used to comment about it all the time because I could hear EVERYTHING no matter what was going on. This folks is not necessarily a good thing! I have restaurants that I no longer frequent because of the poor acoustics - great food, but to darn loud! ugh!<br />
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None of this is a normal existence - I can't sit there, it hurts; I can't go there, it's too loud; I can't go there, it smells funny; I can't go there, too much to stumble into or over....geesh, can't anything be just right - or, would it even matter because I'd just forget about it or be too fatigued/depressed to care???<br />
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I know, without a question, why I write so much - when I speak word-salad and people look at me like I'm an idiot, I withdraw even more. However, the written word comes out semi-sensible so I write, and write, and write.<br />
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So, as a result of all of the above - I'm grouchy! Ask my kids, I'm sure they wouldn't hesitate for a nanosecond to confirm that. As for my husband, well in that arena I'm blessed. He looks at me the same way he did when we first fell in love. He is compassionate to a fault and doesn't seem to see or care that I'm broken. The only problem is, he works - a lot, and has some stuff going on for himself....he probably wouldn't notice I'm a grouch either way :)<br />
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So, I've put on a headset and have Christmas music going as I type. I'm hoping this not only will drown out the unpleasant and irritating noises that surround me but also bring my spirits back up before my children get up. I'm sure they would appreciate being greeted with a smile for a change.<br />
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On a final note, "Enjoy what you can of each and every moment because you never know which one may shatter into some kind fibro-brokeness.<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-42782391808193510062010-12-03T10:38:00.000-06:002010-12-03T10:38:11.655-06:00The Pink ElephantAnyone who suffers from Bronchitis knows all to well that the congestion feels like an elephant squatting in the middle of your chest. Well, I am in the beginning stages of Bronchitis right now and I have decided to name my elephant. She is of course Pink and her name is Lulu!<br />
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Now, Lulu and I have danced around together for years and years but since my doctor gave me said pneumonia shot and put me on Advair we haven't really tangoed. I'm hoping that this time will just be a quick jitter-bug as I'm far to busy right now to be down with Lulu!<br />
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Since today I have errands to run and baking to do, I've decided to heavily medicate Lulu so that she won't trumpet quite so much. Every time she does, I feel like my lungs are trying to escape my chest via my throat - ugh!!! She has no respect for me, that Lulu, she's an egotistical elephant I tell ya!<br />
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So, with codeine cough syrup in hand, I type this - hoping to quiet my elephant and make it through the day. My general stubbornness will not let me call the doctor! However, I may be forced to reconsider that because it's Friday and I don't want to be in need over the weekend.<br />
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So, if you have every named your aches, feel free to share. I find it some how soothing to be on a first name basis with that which ails me. I find it makes it way easier to yell at it! lol!<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-56529946277446253722010-12-01T09:47:00.000-06:002010-12-01T09:47:36.958-06:00One down, two to go!Well Thanksgiving is now behind us and we are barreling toward Christmas and New Year's. I can say without hesitation that I made it through it without a <i><b>complete</b></i> flare up - yay!<br />
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My main complaint (other than normal sleep upset and back pain) has been a bangin' headache at the base of my head. OMG! It feel like I'm gonna just watch my it explode! I have taken everything known to man, I've had my heated rice-sock on it, hot showers, ice packs, etc. Nothing seems to quiet the beastie!<br />
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My husband says it stress related - I don't know. I do know that on Monday my blood pressure was unusually high for me. I normally run @ 90/70 but it was that day it was 123/70. So I'm more inclined to think it's the BP but that too could be stress related I suppose???<br />
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The one thing I know for sure is that this sucker hurts and I want it to stop! This, along with the fact that my children refuse to get along - well, you know how that goes......"Calgon, take me away!" lol! Right now, I'd love nothing more than to be @ a spa somewhere, soaking in a mud bath, sipping champagne and waiting for a massage - for me, that's a major step as I will not go for massages because of my mass. Until I lose weight, nobody with a size 2 waist is touchy blubbery old me!<br />
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Ah, the life of a #spoonie is one of ups and downs. Being broken is all it's "cracked" up to be (pun intended). When we know all we have left is our wit and even that fluxes with the fibro-fog....well, it's depressing. So for now, I'm gonna hit the shower then come out and tackle what house work I think I can do. That in itself will be the majority of my day.<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-17470584705144174052010-11-23T15:36:00.000-06:002010-11-23T15:36:59.808-06:00If I only knew"If I only knew" is a loaded statement. If I only knew back when that...my first marriage was gonna turn out to be a huge mistake, my health issues as a child/young woman would lead to my illnesses today, money didn't grow on trees, etc. Well, we all know there are too many variables in life to have gotten it all right the first time but when it come to now, today - my "If I only knew" relates directly to my fibro.<br />
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For example; after I've done something that isn't particularly difficult but still causes me excruciating pain, I say, "Wow, had I known that was going to do that I may not have done it!" That kinda stuff is what perplexes me right now. How can one enigmatic affliction sideline me so often?????<br />
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I chastise myself constantly because I know that there are millions of people who suffer from diseases that are "tangible" but they continue on their daily lives as if it's a mere inconvenience - while I ache and feel completely incapacitated from running the damn vacuum cleaner!<br />
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I'm well aware of the "variables" between people, their lives too, however, I used to be one of those conquering all the odds person, trudging on no matter the obstacles, etc. but now, I just simply cannot do it. Well, not with the fibro anyway.<br />
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I have to admit that other illnesses do not keep me down. I spent over 8 hrs. in an ER because I had gall stones, kidney stones and diverticulitis all at the same time. I refused to be admitted, received I.V. antibiotics, went home, under orders of bed rest, got up the next day and went shopping and then to a party for my kids' home school group. I didn't feel well but I continued on - So, why does fibro kick my butt????<br />
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I'm whining about this now because I have family coming in for the holiday and I have overwhelmed myself just simply cleaning my house! Okay, yes, I cleaned the carpets and moved a bed and couch but that is stuff I have done all of my life, without help mind you! I was told on many occasions that I could outwork most me, that was of course before I "got sick."<br />
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So as I sit here typing, I'm waiting on a painkiller to kick in - by the way, completely upset that Darvocet is being pulled from the market as it is one of my few "saving graces" some days :( I'm hoping against hope that this holiday goes by uneventful so that I don't have to add stress to my already aching body. The light at the end of the tunnel for me right now lays in the anticipation of turkey and my Mother-In-Law's homemade mincemeat pies!<br />
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Just in case I don't post again until after the holiday, "Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! Make it a safe, memorable and love filled event!"<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-60052857830074435762010-11-21T09:48:00.000-06:002010-11-21T09:48:20.479-06:00Holiday StressI can't believe it but here we are, staring down the November holiday of Thanksgiving! A time for thankfulness and family and the kick off to the "overindulgent sprint" to New Year's Day.....<br />
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I love Thanksgiving, it's one of my favorite holidays and now even more so. See, it was the last holiday I spent with my Father - it will forever more be remembered that way for me. I'm not sad about it, I'm grateful for it ... one could even say. "Thankful" for it.<br />
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However, anytime I am about to have people in my home, I stress a little. I believe it is completely normal, right? I mean, unless you have a housekeeper or something. For me, being inflicted with fibro pain is a far cry from being "Hazel" We aren't filthy but we aren't the Cleaver's either.<br />
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<i>*I'm aware how old both of those references make me sound because I am old so let me elaborate a bit; "Hazel" was a TV show that ran from 1961 - 1966 about a maid named Hazel, played by Shirley Booth and the Cleaver's was a reference to the TV show "Leave it to Beaver", that ran from 1957 - 1963 - by the way, I hate pearls so I could never be June Cleaver anyway! lol!</i><br />
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So, yes, I'm stressing but I'm also extremely lucky because my in-laws are who's coming to dinner and they don't judge me about our home. Actually, they are coming for a short stay as they live 400 miles away. They will arrive on Tuesday and leave on Saturday, spending much needed quality time with our children.<br />
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Recently I discovered that I like when they visit, it gives us a sense of family that has been missing for a couple of years....yup, that's the last Thanksgiving with my Dad. I find that the older and sicker I get, the more I long for family - weird huh? lol!<br />
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Anyway, so today, instead of letting my fever and aches take me down, I'm going to clean house. I opted out of church today because I am feverish and I don't want to spread that kind of love to anyone, especially at the onset of the holiday blitz.....God and I have an understanding, he fortifies me no matter where I am and I'll go to his house when I'm not sick - win, win!<br />
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So, as we begin the week that will not end until January 2, 2011 - let's remember to not let holiday stress define us. We "spoonies" need to take time to smell the turkey and not let it gobble us up!<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-14730723123231422072010-11-19T19:37:00.000-06:002010-11-19T19:37:31.917-06:00Really???My last post I was questioning my own sanity because I lost my bank card - this post, I do believe, will top that mind slip! First off, let me describe my neighborhood - we live in a rural area and when houses are clustered together, the are "banks" of mailboxes.<br />
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I happen to share a mailbox bank with my Mother. It has long been our practice of checking each others mailboxes to see if the mail has been delivered....not an issue with either of us. Today, my Mother says, "Did you check your mail yesterday? If not, you really got a lot of mail and I didn't get any."<br />
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A simple observation and question, right? Well, as I'm speaking to her I go walking to the mailbox and I realize...I haven't checked my mail since Tuesday! Oh yes, Tuesday - WTF????? It never occurred to me, I never gave it even a hint of concern. Sure enough, my mailbox was overflowing with mail, bills, sales fliers, etc.!<br />
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Now, if you knew me personally, you would know just how disturbing this development is. I live for my mail - we live in no-man's land and the mail delivery is a very eventful deal! lol! Seriously, I look forward to my mail because to me, it's like Christmas - you never really know what's gonna be there, waiting for you.! lol!<br />
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Okay, so I can safely say that this week has been one of forgetfulness - next week is thankfulness and I'm positive that my number one thing I'm going to be thankful for is the fact that I have not misplaced my children! That is of course providing it doesn't happen between now and Thanksgiving Day!<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-70627429888087721592010-11-19T08:14:00.000-06:002010-11-19T08:14:23.903-06:00What did you lose now?Well yet another fibro-fog induced panic attack this week! I lost my bank card! Yup, the one linking directly to our bank account that just happens to also be a visa check card - ugh!<br />
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To make matters worse on this loss, I didn't realize for 2 whole days! I tore through my purse at least 5 times; I guess I thought it would magically reappear, I scoured my car, my house and even went through the garbage! The only thing I can say is, "Thank God" I finally remembered the last place I used it! I called the store and much to my relief, it was there!<br />
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I still do not know how it escaped my clutches as I have a very rigid routine when it comes to my bank card. Use it, put it right back in its slot in my purse, take receipt and tuck it in my checkbook for later deduction, etc. Amazingly enough, I couldn't find the receipt either, which really caused me to freak out!<br />
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The next day, when I go to the store to retrieve my card, the desk guy couldn't find it. He enlisted the help of fellow employee and she couldn't find it. They called security to see if they had it, nope! Now I'm starting to panic all over again but I happen to see him rifling through some stuff and I saw it! Eureka!!!!!<br />
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In writing, this all sounds light and "haha" but let me tell you, the entire time I was searching for it I was bawling my eyes out! What am I going to forget next, my children?? I cannot stand this memory loss crap! Well, I don't like any of the symptoms but half the time I don't remember them anyway! lol! Okay, I made a funny at myself - but, I still hate all of this stuff!<br />
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Kudos to my husband who keeps sane and supportive through all of this. He just holds me when I cry and reassures me that it's all fine and good and will work out. I'm not so sure but I'm gonna trust him on it because quite frankly, I'm scared about it and he's my rock! I lean on him too much sometimes and not enough other times. I don't know how he lives with me and my "brokenness" but he does and I love him all the more for it.<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-651950468619935442.post-23067298133197225762010-11-15T09:29:00.000-06:002010-11-15T09:29:20.577-06:00Kidney StonesI am having a very hard time right now. Seems that I have yet another kidney stone or stones. If you've never had them be grateful! I can only describe the pain as; pinpointed to a specific area and it feels as if you are giving birth through the muscles/skin of said area! Another way to think of it is the movie "Aliens" - something horrific is trying to tear its way out of your body!<br />
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Mine always do the same thing, starting out as a slight discomfort that I assume is some type of muscle strain going on. It doesn't take long before I realize what it is and then all I can do is hold on for the ride! I avoid the "doctor thing" on these simply because I've done that before and it got me nowhere! They do their little scan and say, "Yup, you got stones and it will hurt when they pass!" Nobody busted them for me or made me more comfortable, nope - just leave the agony to me!<br />
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Anyway, I post this because, this is one of those darling, little, nagging illnesses that started plaguing me around the same time as my fibro diagnosis. Now, whether they are directly related or not, I cannot say but I do feel that there is some type of connection. If not directly tied then I would say that something I changed, due to the fibro, led to the stones - just guessing here though.<br />
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All I know is that my body is riddled with diagnoses, pills, vitamins, etc. and still the fun keeps comin'! I am currently of the mind to cease and desist all chemical remedies and seek out a more homeopathic way to treat my multiple conditions. I won't stop any meds until I find a sound alternative but that is the direction I will be moving in and soon. I see no further reason to make the pharmaceutical companies richer while draining my bank account and getting no physical improvements to show for it!<br />
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Until next time!Haleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08769613933953753996noreply@blogger.com0