Monday, January 31, 2011

I'm Still Here

It's been awhile since I posted because I've been caught up in "life" stuff but I have some calm now so, "Here I am!"

It's been a week of ups and downs but I have recently began a 12 week program, with some dear friends, that is designed to help us change our habits from negative to positive via friendship, support and the Bible.  Just as I began this, I got sick with a bug. So...I'm starting from scratch this week basically - ugh! I will keep you posted on those results as I go along.

Today however, I want to know if anyone has seen the fibro ad on fb from the doctor in Tinley Park, IL?  I was drawn to it because the "grabber" says, "It's all in your head" and that is a huge pet peeve of mine. However, the YouTube video that it takes you too was intriguing enough for me to order the free DVD. The guy is Dr. Edward Beyer and he states that it is literally "in your head", at the top of the brain stem.....hmmm.

I haven't gotten it yet, as this was just a day or so ago, but I will post something after I have watched it. I know that doing something like this is a desperate attempt at relief but that's where I'm at so, "Why not?" I know I'm not alone in wanting my life back and I'm willing to listen to what this guy has to say.

So, that being said - I have to take my broken self and attempt to get my "already behind" day started. Until next time!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Obesity and Fibro

I love all the stuff coming out right now about how obesity makes Fibro worse...."Really???" For myself I can say this, "No kidding! However, I wasn't obese until this crap hit me!!!!" At what point will the "experts" determine that exercise hurts us and the fatigue keeps some of us from running marathons? - well, me anyway.

I was never an athletic person - ever....but I was active. I worked and did stuff like a normal human being. The only time my weight was over 145 lbs. was when I was pregnant. Now, I'd give anything (figuratively speaking) to be back @ that weight.

Look, I don't want to now nor have I ever wanted to be a darn Super Model. I don't want the calendar girl figure either - I want my figure back. The one that saw me through thick and thin (pun intended there). I was never "hot" but I felt comfortable with me. Right now, I feel and look like I ate the old me and haven't burped her out yet!!!!!

Instead of the experts pointing out the obvious - how about they figure out what causes this mess (I suggest looking really, really closely at female medicines/products that we have ingested for years) or create a weight loss medicine that could help us...........I DO NOT LIKE WHO I AM NOR WHAT I LOOK LIKE - STOP TELLING ME TO LOSE WEIGHT WHEN I ALREADY KNOW I NEED TO!!

Okay, that being screamed and "Nope, I don't feel better", moving on - the bottom line is; We know we need help, we are begging for it. When will it be truly heard? I feel this latest announcement is just one sentence ahead of, "It's all in your head." Now, "It's all in your waistline" - thanks experts!

Until next time!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Pardon my cough

Well, I managed to get sick - again! What started out as a normal Monday morning turned into a week long illness. I have to say it, "I HATE being sick!!"  I am the first to admit it, I am the world's worst sick person. I am a HUGE baby when I get body aches. I'm cool with everything else. That is to say, I can die quietly on my own but throw in body aches and "Oh my word!" I get whiny and pitiful.

So, for almost a week now I've been broken-broken. It sucks! My son was sick too, for about 24 hrs. He recovered fully and has been camping since yesterday! Ah, youth and resilience - I WANT SOME!! lol!  I miss being able to bounce back from things easily.Oh well, I'm glad he did and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.

Thankfully, the flu part of this is over but I'm now battling with bronchitis. This in itself is awful for me as I already have horrible lung issues. I am just so grateful that I had my flu shot back in November, I'd hate to think what this could have done to me without it. Right now it's cough, cough, cough! Sitting up is makes things a bit more tolerable but that really puts a cramp in sleeping.....ugh!

I guess it's a sure thing to say that sickness will attack you where you are weakest. For example; body aches with me will attack in my lower back and hips and almost every cold for me turns into bronchitis. These are two areas where I am the weakest physiologically. I can't help but wonder what the Fibro is really doing to me - I know what the experts say about it but how can something that affects your daily existence so much not have detrimental impacts within your body???

Oh well, that's just life huh? For now, I'm taking it very, very slowly. If I over exert it will come back on me right now with horrible consequences. Good thing I have a good book series to keep me company. It's a lonely life sometimes.

Until next time!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I Hate...well, lots of stuff!

You know, I've always drilled into my kids heads, "Never say "hate" - dislike is always the better word!" However, I have found that I HATE; cold weather, invisible illnesses, insubordination and denial in the face of obviousness!

Okay, as you may have guessed, it's COLD here today and it's making me ill tempered. Also, you may have gathered that I'm sick of Fibro and all its crap! Now, add in two teenagers who think the world owes them EVERYTHING and you have my current existence in a nutshell!

I realize that I got sick right at the critical time they were learning from me by example - I mean, I crashed hard when I first took ill and I literally STOPPED taking care of stuff. The results are more than obvious. As I look @ my teen children I see two people who do not care about their personal looks or the condition of their surroundings. They do not care about how they are perceived or received and I cannot make it clear to them that they should.

I fight a daily battle to get them to help themselves, let alone me and our household......and it's all because of me. I did this - all be it unintentionally, I am still ultimately responsible. Now, I have no way of knowing how to reverse this horrible mess. :(

I/we have always strove to teach them pride in themselves and what they do. That no matter what they do, their signature is on it - you'd think that once they reach the teenage years, that would mean SOMETHING - ANYTHING! Grrrrrr!!!!!

Okay, at the risk of sounding like a bragging parent, my children are intelligent beings. They aren't Mensa candidates by any means (yet - fingers crossed tightly) but in my honest opinion, they could be some day. However, simple tasks like doing what they are told and doing them correctly the first time are darn near impossible.  It gives me serious cause for concern.

The reason why this "stuff" is included in my Fibro blog is because all of this compounds into stress that could backlash the average #spoonie into a flare up! Right now, I'm teetering because of the weather, the children, money issues and several other personal things going on.

Today, I choose to deal with all of it by checking out. I'm going to pretend none of it exists - at least for a couple of hours. I'm hoping that it will help me regain some personal control - I can always hope, right???  So, I'm hibernating and hiding in my own house - wow, what I've become in order to exist semi-pain free is simply sad.

Until next time!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year

I, like millions of other people, have come to some, "Beginning the New Year" decisions. I have decided to call them "Challenges" as opposed to "Resolutions" as in my life, nothing is EVER resolute. They change and morph daily therefore becoming challenges.

So, along with my utter astonishment at my arrival to the year 2011, I am equally amazed that I arrived here so over weight, out of shape and broken. Therefore, my number one challenge is to "Fix what is Broken!" Beginning with ME - this shall prove to be one of the greatest challenges I have ever undertaken because I am really quite broken :)  However, I know that I have determination lurking somewhere just under my layers of resignation, depression and consternation, so I have to dig deep! lol!

I leave this blog short because in order to get anything done toward this challenge I have to start immediately - "Go into the new year with a new attitude, it may actually get you to where you want to be!"

Until next time!