Monday, December 27, 2010

*Deep Sigh

Well, it's official, Christmas 2010 is over. I'm not sure about you but I know that I can say that I'm glad but somewhat sad about it too.  This is my typical "Holiday Let Down" period. The last of the gifts have been distributed, the bills are already coming in and the tree is begging to be taken down....yep, let down.

I'm just that way though - it means it's over and done and whatever I didn't get right cannot be corrected now...does that make any sense?  Well, it's a quirk of mine that, unfortunately, cannot be blamed on my brokenness - it's simply my weirdness :)

As for my health during the holiday - well, it fluxed as always but not nearly as bad as I would have thought. We made a 6 hour drive and slept in a foreign bed for 3 nights then traveled another 6 hours but my aches, I'm proud to say, we minimal.

Now, as for my stress level - well that my friends is quite a different subject.  I know I am a far cry from the only person that stresses during this time of year, so I won't even go into it. I do know that with me, it manifests into headaches, stomach acid rising and neck pain - let's just say that all three came around a couple of times :)

Aside from the normal holiday blitz, my children got to spend Christmas with their paternal Grandparents - a first for them. They have seen them just before or right after but never on the day of. Considering both of my children are teens, that's a major accomplishment.We were also fortunate enough to take them into Chicago on Christmas night, just before the snow hit downtown.  We had flurries and lights and laughter, a wonderful, wonderful memory.

So, in closing, I leave you with happy memories, warm thoughts and wishes for many more of both. I hope your Christmases were as joyous as ours.

Until next time!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Well, I've come to the conclusion that December, for me, has just simply become "Suck'ish!" No, not the holiday stuff - although quite frankly, the pressure and commercialization of that isn't exactly a treat. No, this is more of a personal Dad died in December two years ago and then on Sunday a very dear friend and longtime neighbor passed away unexpectedly.

I've had an emotional week to say the least and when my emotions run high, so too does my aches and pains and all around bitchiness. I have not been a "Peach" to be around lately of which I'm sure my children could attest to.

This week has eerily paralleled the week my Dad died, even down to the foul weather coming in. We are expecting and ice event tonight through tomorrow and of course the wake/funeral are tonight and tomorrow.  When Dad died, we had to drive through an ice event to make his arrangements, etc. and then the day of his funeral, it was so horrible out that the funeral director advised us to forgo the graveside service. We didn't but still....nasty stuff.

On a happier and fun-filled note; Saturday two of my best friends, along with our children, are making holiday soaps!! I am so looking forward to laughter and adult female has the promise of being exactly what I need.

So, from a sad but looking to the future #spoonie - try to enjoy life while you can!

Until next time!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Grouchy much?

Well Lulu finally decided to go into hibernation - yay!!! Found that I could keep her quiet with an extra dose of Advair daily - God only knows what it does to me elsewhere but I'm good for now.

The weather here has turned frigid and it is taking a toll on me. I hurt from stem to stern and back again with little or no relief to be found. I do believe that it has put me on edge as I am super-sensitive emotionally and ready to strike like a cobra...all at the same time! Actually, if I could spew split pea soup and rotate my head around, I could totally pass as a stunt double for Linda Blaire!!!

The impending holiday has me skittery too - between broken automobiles and appliances, gifts and normal bills, well it puts me right there with millions of other people :) Thank goodness that my children are getting older and understand that we put more emphasis on gifts for birthdays now - Oct. birthday, Nov. birthday, Christmas then Jan. birthday - ugh!!!

I have managed to interact with people more lately. Considering how I've been the last few months, that's a major improvement. I attended a cookie exchange with some friends and family and have made tentative dinner arrangements with a good friend - so, my self imposed exile is, for now, waning a bit at least.

If I could just convince myself to get back into the "game" ..... nah, who am I kidding here, I'm a loner and pretty much enjoy it! lol! An occasional interaction is good for me though so I have to force myself out there once in awhile.

I don't know what irks me most right now, my overall emotional sensitivity, my aches or my uber sensitive senses of smell and sound. For example, right now my cat is about 5 ft. from me but she is licking incessantly and it is driving me up a tree!!!

The sound thing is not a new development by any means. This has been an affliction of mine since early childhood. My Father used to comment about it all the time because I could hear EVERYTHING no matter what was going on. This folks is not necessarily a good thing! I have restaurants that I no longer frequent because of the poor acoustics - great food, but to darn loud! ugh!

None of this is a normal existence - I can't sit there, it hurts; I can't go there, it's too loud; I can't go there, it smells funny; I can't go there, too much to stumble into or over....geesh, can't anything be just right - or, would it even matter because I'd just forget about it or be too fatigued/depressed to care???

I know, without a question, why I write so much - when I speak word-salad and people look at me like I'm an idiot, I withdraw even more. However, the written word comes out semi-sensible so I write, and write, and write.

So, as a result of all of the above - I'm grouchy! Ask my kids, I'm sure they wouldn't hesitate for a nanosecond to confirm that. As for my husband, well in that arena I'm blessed. He looks at me the same way he did when we first fell in love. He is compassionate to a fault and doesn't seem to see or care that I'm broken. The only problem is, he works - a lot, and has some stuff going on for himself....he probably wouldn't notice I'm a grouch either way :)

So, I've put on a headset and have Christmas music going as I type. I'm hoping this not only will drown out the unpleasant and irritating noises that surround me but also bring my spirits back up before my children get up. I'm sure they would appreciate being greeted with a smile for a change.

On a final note, "Enjoy what you can of each and every moment because you never know which one may shatter into some kind fibro-brokeness.

Until next time!

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Pink Elephant

Anyone who suffers from Bronchitis knows all to well that the congestion feels like an elephant squatting in the middle of your chest.  Well, I am in the beginning stages of Bronchitis right now and I have decided to name my elephant. She is of course Pink and her name is Lulu!

Now, Lulu and I have danced around together for years and years but since my doctor gave me said pneumonia shot and put me on Advair we haven't really tangoed. I'm hoping that this time will just be a quick jitter-bug as  I'm far to busy right now to be down with Lulu!

Since today I have errands to run and baking to do, I've decided to heavily medicate Lulu so that she won't trumpet quite so much. Every time she does, I feel like my lungs are trying to escape my chest via my throat - ugh!!! She has no respect for me, that Lulu, she's an egotistical elephant I tell ya!

So, with codeine cough syrup in hand, I type this - hoping to quiet my elephant and make it through the day. My general stubbornness will not let me call the doctor! However, I may be forced to reconsider that because it's Friday and I don't want to be in need over the weekend.

So, if you have every named your aches, feel free to share. I find it some how soothing to be on a first name basis with that which ails me. I find it makes it way easier to yell at it! lol!

Until next time!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

One down, two to go!

Well Thanksgiving is now behind us and we are barreling toward Christmas and New Year's. I can say without hesitation that I made it through it without a complete flare up - yay!

My main complaint (other than normal sleep upset and back pain) has been a bangin' headache at the base of my head.  OMG! It feel like I'm gonna just watch my it explode! I have taken everything known to man, I've had my heated rice-sock on it, hot showers, ice packs, etc. Nothing seems to quiet the beastie!

My husband says it stress related - I don't know. I do know that on Monday my blood pressure was unusually high for me. I normally run @ 90/70 but it was that day it was 123/70. So I'm more inclined to think it's the BP but that too could be stress related I suppose???

The one thing I know for sure is that this sucker hurts and I want it to stop! This, along with the fact that my children refuse to get along - well, you know how that goes......"Calgon, take me away!" lol!  Right now, I'd love nothing more than to be @ a spa somewhere, soaking in a mud bath, sipping champagne and waiting for a massage - for me, that's a major step as I will not go for massages because of my mass. Until I lose weight, nobody with a size 2 waist is touchy blubbery old me!

Ah, the life of a #spoonie is one of ups and downs. Being broken is all it's "cracked" up to be (pun intended). When we know all we have left is our wit and even that fluxes with the fibro-fog....well, it's depressing. So for now, I'm gonna hit the shower then come out and tackle what house work I think I can do. That in itself will be the majority of my day.

Until next time!