Tuesday, November 23, 2010

If I only knew

"If I only knew" is a loaded statement. If I only knew back when that...my first marriage was gonna turn out to be a huge mistake, my health issues as a child/young woman would lead to my illnesses today, money didn't grow on trees, etc. Well, we all know there are too many variables in life to have gotten it all right the first time but when it come to now, today - my "If I only knew" relates directly to my fibro.

For example; after I've done something that isn't particularly difficult but still causes me excruciating pain, I say, "Wow, had I known that was going to do that I may not have done it!" That kinda stuff is what perplexes me right now. How can one enigmatic affliction sideline me so often?????

I chastise myself constantly because I know that there are millions of people who suffer from diseases that are "tangible" but they continue on their daily lives as if it's a mere inconvenience - while I ache and feel completely incapacitated from running the damn vacuum cleaner!

I'm well aware of the "variables" between people, their lives too, however, I used to be one of those conquering all the odds person, trudging on no matter the obstacles, etc. but now, I just simply cannot do it.  Well, not with the fibro anyway.

I have to admit that other illnesses do not keep me down. I spent over 8 hrs. in an ER because I had gall stones, kidney stones and diverticulitis all at the same time. I refused to be admitted, received I.V. antibiotics, went home, under orders of bed rest, got up the next day and went shopping and then to a party for my kids' home school group. I didn't feel well but I continued on - So, why does fibro kick my butt????

I'm whining about this now because I have family coming in for the holiday and I have overwhelmed myself just simply cleaning my house! Okay, yes, I cleaned the carpets and moved a bed and couch but that is stuff I have done all of my life, without help mind you! I was told on many occasions that I could outwork most me, that was of course before I "got sick."

So as I sit here typing, I'm waiting on a painkiller to kick in - by the way, completely upset that Darvocet is being pulled from the market as it is one of my few "saving graces" some days :(  I'm hoping against hope that this holiday goes by uneventful so that I don't have to add stress to my already aching body.  The light at the end of the tunnel for me right now lays in the anticipation of turkey and my Mother-In-Law's homemade mincemeat pies!

Just in case I don't post again until after the holiday, "Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! Make it a safe, memorable and love filled event!"

Until next time!

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