Sunday, January 9, 2011

I Hate...well, lots of stuff!

You know, I've always drilled into my kids heads, "Never say "hate" - dislike is always the better word!" However, I have found that I HATE; cold weather, invisible illnesses, insubordination and denial in the face of obviousness!

Okay, as you may have guessed, it's COLD here today and it's making me ill tempered. Also, you may have gathered that I'm sick of Fibro and all its crap! Now, add in two teenagers who think the world owes them EVERYTHING and you have my current existence in a nutshell!

I realize that I got sick right at the critical time they were learning from me by example - I mean, I crashed hard when I first took ill and I literally STOPPED taking care of stuff. The results are more than obvious. As I look @ my teen children I see two people who do not care about their personal looks or the condition of their surroundings. They do not care about how they are perceived or received and I cannot make it clear to them that they should.

I fight a daily battle to get them to help themselves, let alone me and our household......and it's all because of me. I did this - all be it unintentionally, I am still ultimately responsible. Now, I have no way of knowing how to reverse this horrible mess. :(

I/we have always strove to teach them pride in themselves and what they do. That no matter what they do, their signature is on it - you'd think that once they reach the teenage years, that would mean SOMETHING - ANYTHING! Grrrrrr!!!!!

Okay, at the risk of sounding like a bragging parent, my children are intelligent beings. They aren't Mensa candidates by any means (yet - fingers crossed tightly) but in my honest opinion, they could be some day. However, simple tasks like doing what they are told and doing them correctly the first time are darn near impossible.  It gives me serious cause for concern.

The reason why this "stuff" is included in my Fibro blog is because all of this compounds into stress that could backlash the average #spoonie into a flare up! Right now, I'm teetering because of the weather, the children, money issues and several other personal things going on.

Today, I choose to deal with all of it by checking out. I'm going to pretend none of it exists - at least for a couple of hours. I'm hoping that it will help me regain some personal control - I can always hope, right???  So, I'm hibernating and hiding in my own house - wow, what I've become in order to exist semi-pain free is simply sad.

Until next time!

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