Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Grouchy much?

Well Lulu finally decided to go into hibernation - yay!!! Found that I could keep her quiet with an extra dose of Advair daily - God only knows what it does to me elsewhere but I'm good for now.

The weather here has turned frigid and it is taking a toll on me. I hurt from stem to stern and back again with little or no relief to be found. I do believe that it has put me on edge as I am super-sensitive emotionally and ready to strike like a cobra...all at the same time! Actually, if I could spew split pea soup and rotate my head around, I could totally pass as a stunt double for Linda Blaire!!!

The impending holiday has me skittery too - between broken automobiles and appliances, gifts and normal bills, well it puts me right there with millions of other people :) Thank goodness that my children are getting older and understand that we put more emphasis on gifts for birthdays now - Oct. birthday, Nov. birthday, Christmas then Jan. birthday - ugh!!!

I have managed to interact with people more lately. Considering how I've been the last few months, that's a major improvement. I attended a cookie exchange with some friends and family and have made tentative dinner arrangements with a good friend - so, my self imposed exile is, for now, waning a bit at least.

If I could just convince myself to get back into the "game" ..... nah, who am I kidding here, I'm a loner and pretty much enjoy it! lol! An occasional interaction is good for me though so I have to force myself out there once in awhile.

I don't know what irks me most right now, my overall emotional sensitivity, my aches or my uber sensitive senses of smell and sound. For example, right now my cat is about 5 ft. from me but she is licking incessantly and it is driving me up a tree!!!

The sound thing is not a new development by any means. This has been an affliction of mine since early childhood. My Father used to comment about it all the time because I could hear EVERYTHING no matter what was going on. This folks is not necessarily a good thing! I have restaurants that I no longer frequent because of the poor acoustics - great food, but to darn loud! ugh!

None of this is a normal existence - I can't sit there, it hurts; I can't go there, it's too loud; I can't go there, it smells funny; I can't go there, too much to stumble into or over....geesh, can't anything be just right - or, would it even matter because I'd just forget about it or be too fatigued/depressed to care???

I know, without a question, why I write so much - when I speak word-salad and people look at me like I'm an idiot, I withdraw even more. However, the written word comes out semi-sensible so I write, and write, and write.

So, as a result of all of the above - I'm grouchy! Ask my kids, I'm sure they wouldn't hesitate for a nanosecond to confirm that. As for my husband, well in that arena I'm blessed. He looks at me the same way he did when we first fell in love. He is compassionate to a fault and doesn't seem to see or care that I'm broken. The only problem is, he works - a lot, and has some stuff going on for himself....he probably wouldn't notice I'm a grouch either way :)

So, I've put on a headset and have Christmas music going as I type. I'm hoping this not only will drown out the unpleasant and irritating noises that surround me but also bring my spirits back up before my children get up. I'm sure they would appreciate being greeted with a smile for a change.

On a final note, "Enjoy what you can of each and every moment because you never know which one may shatter into some kind fibro-brokeness.

Until next time!

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