Monday, February 28, 2011

Down Days

Today is one of my "down days." When I have them, (which lately is all too often) I simply cannot function properly on any level.....I'm sure anyone who suffers from depression can completely understand what I'm saying.

Anyway, I truly, truly believe there's a connection with the physical and mental aspects of my health. This morning, when I finally went to bed, (horrible storms kept me vigilant until after 2 a.m.), I did not sleep well. Which, as tired as I was, should not have been the case at all.

I woke up with awful lower back pain and twitchy legs - it took several tries with the sleep number bed to find an adjustment that helped eliminate it. I also had to medicate and then I ended up oversleeping and missing an appointment for first thing in the a.m. - ugh!

So, I went from tense, to exhausted to suffering in pain, to over-rested - all in a span of a few hours.  After starting my morning out so "suckish", I moved on to other things, like dealing with stressful/painful family crap.  I must have subconsciously set myself up for that mental slap in the face because that's exactly what I got!  Actually, my reaction to all of it was a carry over from yesterday so it had 24 hrs. to brew into a major source of aggravation for me - yay!

Now my mood has progressed into this "blah" state and I don't see it lifting anytime soon. So, if you were to ask me if these stages of health/lack of health and mental anguish are related, I'd have to say, "Yes." At least, for me they are. However, the absolute worst part of me being "pissy" is that I let it "roll down hill" so to speak. I'm working on that :)  A friend posted she was going to take a nap to get rid of her grouchiness - I responded with, "I'd have to be "Rip Van Winkle" to end my grouchiness!" Sadly, that is very, very true.

When I'm like this, major decision making should never be left up to me. For example; Right now, I would gladly sell my house and most everything in it and beat feet out of here! I don't want to be here, I don't want to see anything here and I sure as heck don't want to deal with most of the stuff I deal with here!  Ugh - talk about feeling trapped!

That is my current state of mind and it sucks! I'm tired of the roller coaster of well/unwell, happy/unhappy, pain/painless, connected/unconnected. If, by some weird kind of twist of fate, this all happens to be one huge coincidence - then I have to put this statement/question out into the universe, "Oh come on! - Really????"

I'm closing this now because I feel the overwhelming need to get a warm rice sock and go lay down with it on my head....this is probably the best route for all involved as it will remove me from everyone's presence and cut them all a huge break :)

Until next time!

1 comment:

  1. I can SO identify. I've been where you are many times. Just remember it can't last forever.